God, I Hate Rules!

Snappy Office Come-backs!

 

Hey – ever get a little tongue-tied at work? You know, somebody chaps your hide and you just sit there like a kid with an IQ of 30 or something? Then about 15 minutes later your mind kicks in again and  you think of all manner of things you should have said? Well here’s a little list you can keep under your keyboard for those very occasions – you can even laminate it so coffee spills won’t hurt it. Good luck and hope it helps.  

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring
it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when  someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies,  don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever  be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out,it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change
your life and send you straight to manager’s hell
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway 

Feel free to add any to the list that I’ve overlooked. 😉
WC

(PS: HT to A-Mum for the list – come back soon Moe)

Can You Say, 30K?

 

Okay, well maybe it is a big deal and maybe not so much. But has anyone noticed I have actually gotten 30K plus hits on this blog since August?

I mean I don’t expect lotto tickets or even cake and ice cream – but maybe a modest congrats would be nice. I mean come on people, I slave over this blog, day in and day out. I sweat my brains out trying to think of something that will amuse, entertain or provoke deep, deep thought – the least you can do is say – “Hey way to go, WC. Not bad.”

Right? Not right? Is anybody there? Hello, is this thing on?

Okay, well it was worth a try. I know you all have lives and likely more of a life than I – so I guess I’ll just blow up a balloon, buy myself a slice of cheesecake and celebrate while watching Sex in the City reruns. I may even get some microwave popcorn for later. Yes indeed, I do lead the edgy life. 😉

WC

Turn the Magic Ear to the ‘On’ Position

I have seen the future and it looks like this. LOL. Oh yes it does. 😉

WC

Breakfast at the Museum

I guess we all get a bit peckish, sometimes. So, here they are Zelda and my alter egos…for your entertainment. 😆 WC

How Many You’s Are There?

HowManyOfMe.com
Logo There are:
73
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

There have been many stories involving dopplegangers. Which to me has always been kind of cool – the idea that there is another ‘you’ out there somewhere – evil or not – has a certain chill factor.

And I’ve often wondered if there were a couple of me’s running around as I’ve run into people who were sure I was really Debbie from Minnesota and Sue from Nevada. I even was flipping through a fashion magazine one day and there was a model who had my face on her tall, skinny model body. Talk about double take. It was strange and exhilerating at once.

I wonder though if I really met my doppleganger face to face what would happen? That is fodder for a possible story I think.

In the meantime, click on the pick above and find out how many you’s there are in the U.S. – you may be surprised.

Oh yeah – funny thing – when I input both my first and middle name I discovered in fact I was the only one. Without the middle name I have 73 other namesakes. I guess that makes me semi-unique? LOL – I dunno.

WC

PS: HT to Court Reporting Chick for the link and I have NO idea why this came out green. 😆

What She Did For Love????

Okay, call me crazy, but don’t they have any psych evaluations at NASA? I mean if you’re going to send somebody up into space (potentially) wouldn’t you want to make sure that they had their head screwed on right? I would. Hell, even if it was just a driver’s license I’d want to make sure. Talk about out of this world. This chick was like Fatal Attraction meets SpaceBalls or something. Jeez. I think it may be time to rethink the NASA program. These folks should be being drafted for politics not space travel. 😉

WC

(HT to Gerry for the toon. Tanks, buddy.)

Weird Pets

Where I come from, people had pretty ordinary or what you might call normal, pets. Mostly, dogs and cats, maybe a couple of fish, even a horse. Nothing too terribly unusual. The names were pretty normal too – names like King, Queenie, Spot, Fluffy, Smokey, Snowball. Basically names that you wouldn’t name a person, your kid or something, you know pet names.

Though I’ve noticed as the march of time moved on, people got weirder and weirder pets. I think the first clue was the Pet Rock. Now, one has to really think about that for a minute – how much of loser does one have to be in order to only be pet-compatible with a rock? A rock? What’s worse is people even named their pet rocks. Can you say loser?

I think though that this could possibly be an extension of the naming your vehicle thing. Bessie, Fred, WildThang, whatever – people who name their cars and trucks are making pets of them. To me, too weird. I have names for my car but they are reserved for times of stress when the car is giving me trouble and costing me money. They would never be considered endearments of any kind.

After the pet rocks there seemed to be a trend toward naming animals as if they were children or people. Names like Remington, Charlamagne, and Bruce come to mind. Or naming pets after famous people like Thurber, Hemingway and Prince Charles.

Then came the occasional odd pet:

The pet wolf – pretty and sorta looked like a dog but could turn on you at any moment.

The baby racoon that turned into a terror and garbage can addict in just a few short weeks.

Ferretts and mongooses. Oh yeah, out here, they are really popular.

Rats and mice. Now doesn’t it strike you as weird that people would make pets of creatures that whole industries have been created for the sole purpose of destroying same?

How’s about an ocelot? There’s a purty pussycat. Course he’ll take out your eye if you ain’t paying attention.

Pet ants – ant farms. Refer back to mice/rat statement.

Pet snakes. Especially snakes like Boas – great, I love you to death – right?

Of course if you Michael Jackson you have your own giraffe and several chimpanzees.

Pet monkeys – those creepy little dudes that used to be the organ grinder’s friend in the bad B movies from the 40’s & 50’s is now suddenly a really cool pet thanks to Ross from Friends. Yoiks.

Rabbits are also weird pets the poop non-stop, make no really connection to any other living creature and never have any life in their eyes. Sure they are cute but -hello! nobody home.

Lately, my dog (magpie – maggie for short) has been trying to make the possum who lives in our yard her pet. You can always tell when our possum is out and about because Maggie gets all agitated and makes this really annoying whiney sound and runs around in circles chasing her tail. You think she really has to go and you let her outside and then she runs up and down the yard along the back wall making that weird growly whiney sound – apparently trying to teach the Possum how to ‘heel’ or something. It takes an hour sometimes to get her back in the house. And even after she is in, she is still hankering for some quality time with Possum. Do you think if I showed her this picture, she’d change her mind?

Gotta go, she is insisting she has to pee and giving that pathetic, I’m-a-poor-puppy look and I just know that if I choose to believe she is faking I will be cleaning up the carpet later.

So how about you? Know any weird pets?

WC