Signs Your Landlady Wants You to Move

moving, I hate my landlady, funny list about moving

Since I’ve moved seven times in the last 9 months I fancy myself an expert on the ‘signs’ that tell you that you’re moving again. As a public service, I offer the following indicators that your landlady wants you to move:

1. She stops stocking toilet paper in the communal bathroom, which you generally discover at 3 in the morning.
2. You can no longer enter the house from the front door because your ‘new room mate’s’ drums are blocking the entrance.
3. When you return to your room after having been gone, the lights are on and your cat is missing. (Everyone denies any knowledge)
4. You come home to find that the door to your room is blocked by someone else’s moving boxes
5. Your room mates have the uncanny ability to multiply overnight.
6. The microwave now requires a code to operate, which you do not have
7. She ‘forgot’ to mention that band practice is every Tuesday night until 4 a.m.
8. Complete strangers are piling their belongings in the driveway
9. Random belongings of yours mysteriously keep ending up in the trash.
10. A no parking sign has been posted at your usual parking spot overnight.
11. Your room mates pretend they have never met you when you run into them in the hall.
12. Someone has painted a bullseye on the back of your car – and apparently has been doing target practice.
13. Your canned tuna has been ‘donated’ to the neighborhood stray cats
14. The food you had in the fridge has been tossed to make room for two cases of beer for a party to which you’ve not been invited.

While there may be other signs, these are a surefire indication it’s time to get outta there – and fast.

Just When You Thought…

Well, just when I thought that perhaps winter had closed its frosty arms and decided to take a very long nap – the bristled, icy breath returned. Yup, it’s snowing again. Damn! It’s pretty but that’s about all I can say about it that’s good. Even the dog didn’t want to stay out this morning any longer than it took to have a pee (very unusual for nanook dawg, lean, mean adventure creature).

So, I’m doubling up on coffee and probably going to put off doing the grocery shopping. Unless it does all melt the way the weather man says it will. This is such an odd problem to have – I’m not used to letting weather really dictate my plans but there you have it. How do people spend a lifetime in this stuff?

The worse part is I will have to wear the ugly-ass hat if I do decide to venture out today and the ugly purple coat – basically my bag lady outfit. What is it about cold weather that destroys one’s fashion sense? Survival over style? Must be.

At least there may be some photo ops – snow does make for a nice pic, eh? Gotta go, my ass needs to thaw and I have to catch the heater while I can.

The Weather Outside…

It’s official, I live on the East Coast. Yesterday after we dragged ourselves home from another endless day of packing and dragging and moving a little chill crawled into the air. “Nippy,” I thought and went on about my business. Then the next thing I knew I was being asked for my car keys so the car could be moved under the carport, lest the snow get all piled up on it, don’t you know?

Snow? Wait a minute. Now what happened to that thing you said, “It doesn’t really get all that cold here (thanks to global warming) …maybe some rain…” Uh-huh, I thought, duped again. As you can well imagine, having come from southern California my idea of warm clothes would include a somewhat heavy cardigan sweater, a parka and scarf – oh yeah, I brought a couple pair of gloves too. Suddenly I’m thinking about hats and boots and corduroy – possibly even velvet. Yikes, me in velvet, perish the thought.

The fact that it has been literally decades since I have lived in snow country (albeit much worse than this) and in all honesty have never driven in snow (except for that stupid drivers ed. course in high school which is but a dull memory now) does kind of diminish my enthusiasm for the sparkly white stuff a bit. I have visions of slip-sliding all over the road or driving so slow that the already impatient drivers in this town will be laying on their horns non-stop as I toddle my way down the avenue.

On the other hand, it is rather pretty to see everything kind of frosted and sparkly with snow and does remind me of childhood and certainly seems more Christmas-y than 80 degrees and flip flops – so it’s a mixed bag I guess. I was hoping I’d get the rest of my bulbs in before it snowed but the weather man says it won’t last so maybe I’ll luck out and will be able to get those puppies in next week before some bizarre blizzard or something hits us here in pretty town, usa.

Hopefully there won’t be anymore today though – we are back on moving duty, which thus far is endless. I wonder if we will ever get to the bottom of all the stuff in the old apartment. I’m not exactly the moving brute type and my wrists and ankles feel like they are going to just snap sometimes – oh well, what we do for love.

Have a nice Sunday, guys.

Is Brown the New Green?

I’ve been meaning to bring this up for a while. Sometime back I heard one of the incessant and ever present commercials you hear in California these days – about water shortages. A theme that I always find ironic, since we have thousands of miles of coastline with raging water right there. It’s drought season. Oh yeah, that’s right we have to get all vaklemped because we didn’t get enough rain. The ironic thing is that when we have lots of rain, far beyond our ‘normal’ annual rainfall, they are always very quick to point out that this in no way cancels any drought deficits we have built up – despite the fact that several people’s houses are sliding down hills right past their windows. Oh no, we must never admit that we actually have an abundance of anything – if we did, then how the heck would we scare the bageebers out of the general populace? And if we couldn’t do that, how the heck are we going to control them? Anyway, as usual, I digress.

So, I’m listening to this commercial going on about how we must, must, must conserve on water because now that is in short supply (despite the fact that we get most of our water from the Colorado river, eh?) and how we must refrain from watering plants, lawns and other unnecessary green items, so we won’t all die from dehydration or something. And besides, how will we water all those plants growing on the side of the freeways if we actually water our own plants and lawns?

But it got me thinking…don’t you see the irony here? I mean, the whole thrust is that we want to go more green, right? All over the country and perhaps the world, we are hearing about how the trees are all being chopped down and that is going to rip an even bigger hole in the ozone layer (btw, I heard that is actually repairing itself, who knew?) so, yes, let’s plant a lot of trees and get that oxygen level up folks – but ooops, I think trees actually need water in order to grow. In fact, all plants need more water to grow. So if you pull out your lawn and put down concrete, in order to save water, aren’t you contributing to higher ambient temps? Plants and greenery do not conduct heat, so they actually contribute to cooling ambient temps – also they produce water as well, right? Concrete, not so much. See my dilemma here?

So how in the hell does either letting your lawn/plants go to a dry mass of brown contribute to helping to ‘stop global warming’? The answer is it doesn’t. And the truth is, IMHO is that it is not about conservation, preventing global warming or any of that – it is just about control. Apparently we are all so stupid that if anybody throws in the term global warming that we, like Pavlov’s dogs will react and do what we are told. We will not use our own common sense, we will simply believe that we must do our part in battling the impending doom of the planet drying up like a 70 year old virgin. My ass.

And what are we saving the water for? Some guy who fifty years from now is going to be thirsty? I think not. Seriously, if you told a farmer or a gardener that the way to have plants in the future would be to save all their seeds or use as few of them as possible they’d hit you over the head with a rake or tractor or something. Life begets life. Death begets death. If we have to kill the very things that supposedly sustain life on this planet, in order to have a more sound planet and a better quality of life, then sorry I’m just not down with that. Are you? It’s just too stupid for words.

Two Houses – Actions vs Words

(I was sent this by a friend and found it ever so interesting – though I was aware of it. I thought it might be an interesting thing to mention and it will be interesting to see the response to it. Annie)

House #1 A 20 room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house, all heated by gas. In one month this residence consumes more energy than the average American household does in a year. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2400 per month. In natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not situated in a Northern or Midwestern ‘snow belt’ area. It’s in the South.

House #2 Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university. This house incorporates every ‘green’ feature current home construction can provide. The house is 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on a high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat-pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground.

The water (usually 67 degrees F) heats the house in the winter and cools it in the summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas and it consumes one-quarter electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Surrounding flowers and shrubs native to the area enable the property to blend into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE #1 is outside of Nashville, Tennessee and is the home of ‘environmentalist ‘ Al Gore.

HOUSE #2 is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas and it is the home of the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

Verifying information can be found here.

(I do find it very enlightening that people in general seem to be more interested in believing the words rather than the actions. And this is just one reason why I can not help but make fun of Algore and call him a hypocrite. Annie )

But Baby it’s Cold Outside

Well, once again the Incovenient Doof has gotten it wrong. Yep, Global Warming is simply not cooperating with the bloviating one and things are a little different than predicted by the moonbats. Apparently, 2007 wasn’t the warmest year on record, nor did it far surpass the dreaded 1998 in temps and death and destruction.

Oh and all those hurricanes that were going to devastate the earth didn’t come either. We still aren’t living on a vast dessert wasteland and look at that, life is going on as usual. Marauding bands of homeless survivers are not prowling the neighborhood looking for water, supplies or anyone’s delectible teenaged daughter. Nor are cars developing personalities and holding people up at the local ATMs.

In a way, it’s sad because the newspapers then would have a lot of great headlines with which to frighten the bageebers out of us and sell newspapers at the same time, thereby saving their sorry asses for another day and keeping their rags in print.

Some scientists even have the nerve to think that the sun actually has more power over the climate than cars. Can you imagine? The sun, a mere fireball in the sky, could have something to do with the climate? Heresy, I say.

In fact, it seems that we may be going toward a period of global cooling. Bummer, because I’m a sunshine gal and I hate being cold, but luckily I have plenty of heating oil and my car has a good heater too, so I guess I’ll manage.

The debate is not over, my friends, you can bet your Ug boots on that. And in fact, the debate will probably go on forever until man gets it through his head that he cannot control the planet nor its weather patterns. And realizes that we simply live here and while we should be good stewards of the place in which we live – we need to get over the arrogant of belief that we actually cause the weather. That’s all I’m saying.


Must See TV – Are We Being Scammed?

This is a long vid, folks – and if you’d prefer you can go to youtube and watch it in parts – but I would highly recommend you settle back and watch it all in one sitting.

While the Global Warming debate rages and the ‘greenies’ get more and more whacko, this documentary offers some rational and sane facts and opinions. If only for the sake of balance,  you owe it to yourself to watch it. And don’t go to that ‘I don’t have time place’ because we all know that we waste endless hours on video games, and other dumb crap that has no importance whatsoever.

(HT to  mbatm27 )


Boomer Truths


I am one of the annointed ones. You may know my demographic as baby boomer. Yep, I’m a boomer. When you say it like that it sounds kind of like a skateboard champion or something, doesn’t it? Or something equally arrogant?

I have to tell you I am sick of us. I am sick of the boomers. I sick of the generation who thinks it rules the universe from now until eternity. The mantra of never getting old, never passing the torch is pretty irritating.

I remember when I was a kid I was barely in the demograhic, just managed to squeak in there. By the time I was a teen, I was pert near in the middle of the range, now I imagine I’m somewhere in the subgenre of silver or maybe bronze baby boomers since the ‘goldens’ are about to retire and single-handedly destroy social security by sucking it dry. (Funny, I thought Congress had done that 20 years ago. They must be boomers too. )

It’s like the generation that will not die. The generation of generations. The one time in human history that super humans were born. I mean think about it. Look what us boomers have actually contributed to society. The Anti-War Industry; Global Warming/Cooling industry; Catalytic Converters; Economy Cars; An entire economy for Japan and subsequently all Asian nations; Anti-Smoking laws; Anti-Honesty (political correctness); Illiteracy among high school graduates; Institutional Anarchy; Mind Control drugs (psychotropics which alter the chemistry in the brain, all in the name of controlling mental illnesses which by and large are invented); the U.N. (which is supposed to stand for United Nations but really stands for Unbelievable Ninkompoops); they helped us lose a war we actually won (Vietnam) and therefore sentenced millions of people to the killing fields(don’t know what I’m talking about, look it up); they killed class and sense; were able to turn a white trash president into the first black president; botox; plastic surgery; liposuction; cloning; stem cell research; abortion on demand and many other things. Feeling proud? I know I sure am.

To be fair there have been other contributions which were good – and I don’t think all baby boomers are bad – but the bad ones are so bad, so arrogant I want to scream and the good ones no one seems to listen to. But the thing that is so funny to me and maybe is a secret that I’m not supposed to tell is this: Their real thing and what really motivates them is that they don’t want to get old. They will do and say anything rather than get old. Their whole lives revolve around looking and acting young. Ponce de Leon has nothing on these folks – cuz they are never, never, never, never, ever going to get old.

They will build hearing aids into their Ipods, sew Depends into their designer capris, wear their hair extensions to their caskets; laser out their wrinkles; dye what hair they have left; liposuction their fat bellies and asses and drive Corvettes forever. Just so you don’t know how old they really are.

Me? Personally I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to look good or feel good, or have healthy habits – but I am getting older. So what? That is a mantle passed from generation to generation, it is a medal from life that is earned. The joy of getting older is that you find you don’t have nearly as much to prove as you once thought; you have experience; you gain wisdom and can determine really what is important. I find it very freeing and delightful. I wear my wrinkles proudly and the sun damage and the silver (ultra blonde) hairs and all the rest. Maybe if a lot of my fellow boomers would relax and accept who they really are, the world wouldn’t be such a bizarre place. Or maybe it would. Hard to say.


Wrong on Climate Change?

(Here is a compelling article published in the Times Online, that challenges, conventional wisdom on the issue. WC)

February 11, 2007

An experiment that hints we are wrong on climate change

Nigel Calder, former editor of New Scientist, says the orthodoxy must be challenged

When politicians and journalists declare that the science of global warming is settled, they show a regrettable ignorance about how science works. We were treated to another dose of it recently when the experts of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change issued the Summary for Policymakers that puts the political spin on an unfinished scientific dossier on climate change due for publication in a few months’ time. They declared that most of the rise in temperatures since the mid-20th century is very likely due to man-made greenhouse gases.

The small print explains “very likely” as meaning that the experts who made the judgment felt 90% sure about it. Older readers may recall a press conference at Harwell in 1958 when Sir John Cockcroft, Britain’s top nuclear physicist, said he was 90% certain that his lads had achieved controlled nuclear fusion. It turned out that he was wrong. More positively, a 10% uncertainty in any theory is a wide open breach for any latterday Galileo or Einstein to storm through with a better idea. That is how science really works.

Twenty years ago, climate research became politicised in favour of one particular hypothesis, which redefined the subject as the study of the effect of greenhouse gases. As a result, the rebellious spirits essential for innovative and trustworthy science are greeted with impediments to their research careers. And while the media usually find mavericks at least entertaining, in this case they often imagine that anyone who doubts the hypothesis of man-made global warming must be in the pay of the oil companies. As a result, some key discoveries in climate research go almost unreported.

Enthusiasm for the global-warming scare also ensures that heatwaves make headlines, while contrary symptoms, such as this winter’s billion-dollar loss of Californian crops to unusual frost, are relegated to the business pages. The early arrival of migrant birds in spring provides colourful evidence for a recent warming of the northern lands. But did anyone tell you that in east Antarctica the Adélie penguins and Cape petrels are turning up at their spring nesting sites around nine days later than they did 50 years ago? While sea-ice has diminished in the Arctic since 1978, it has grown by 8% in the Southern Ocean.

So one awkward question you can ask, when you’re forking out those extra taxes for climate change, is “Why is east Antarctica getting colder?” It makes no sense at all if carbon dioxide is driving global warming. While you’re at it, you might inquire whether Gordon Brown will give you a refund if it’s confirmed that global warming has stopped. The best measurements of global air temperatures come from American weather satellites, and they show wobbles but no overall change since 1999.

That levelling off is just what is expected by the chief rival hypothesis, which says that the sun drives climate changes more emphatically than greenhouse gases do. After becoming much more active during the 20th century, the sun now stands at a high but roughly level state of activity. Solar physicists warn of possible global cooling, should the sun revert to the lazier mood it was in during the Little Ice Age 300 years ago.

Climate history and related archeology give solid support to the solar hypothesis. The 20th-century episode, or Modern Warming, was just the latest in a long string of similar events produced by a hyperactive sun, of which the last was the Medieval Warming.

The Chinese population doubled then, while in Europe the Vikings and cathedral-builders prospered. Fascinating relics of earlier episodes come from the Swiss Alps, with the rediscovery in 2003 of a long-forgotten pass used intermittently whenever the world was warm.

What does the Intergovernmental Panel do with such emphatic evidence for an alternation of warm and cold periods, linked to solar activity and going on long before human industry was a possible factor? Less than nothing. The 2007 Summary for Policymakers boasts of cutting in half a very small contribution by the sun to climate change conceded in a 2001 report.

Disdain for the sun goes with a failure by the self-appointed greenhouse experts to keep up with inconvenient discoveries about how the solar variations control the climate. The sun’s brightness may change too little to account for the big swings in the climate. But more than 10 years have passed since Henrik Svensmark in Copenhagen first pointed out a much more powerful mechanism.

He saw from compilations of weather satellite data that cloudiness varies according to how many atomic particles are coming in from exploded stars. More cosmic rays, more clouds. The sun’s magnetic field bats away many of the cosmic rays, and its intensification during the 20th century meant fewer cosmic rays, fewer clouds, and a warmer world. On the other hand the Little Ice Age was chilly because the lazy sun let in more cosmic rays, leaving the world cloudier and gloomier.

The only trouble with Svensmark’s idea — apart from its being politically incorrect — was that meteorologists denied that cosmic rays could be involved in cloud formation. After long delays in scraping together the funds for an experiment, Svensmark and his small team at the Danish National Space Center hit the jackpot in the summer of 2005.

In a box of air in the basement, they were able to show that electrons set free by cosmic rays coming through the ceiling stitched together droplets of sulphuric acid and water. These are the building blocks for cloud condensation. But journal after journal declined to publish their report; the discovery finally appeared in the Proceedings of the Royal Society late last year.

Thanks to having written The Manic Sun, a book about Svensmark’s initial discovery published in 1997, I have been privileged to be on the inside track for reporting his struggles and successes since then. The outcome is a second book, The Chilling Stars, co-authored by the two of us and published next week by Icon books. We are not exaggerating, we believe, when we subtitle it “A new theory of climate change”.

Where does all that leave the impact of greenhouse gases? Their effects are likely to be a good deal less than advertised, but nobody can really say until the implications of the new theory of climate change are more fully worked out.

The reappraisal starts with Antarctica, where those contradictory temperature trends are directly predicted by Svensmark’s scenario, because the snow there is whiter than the cloud-tops. Meanwhile humility in face of Nature’s marvels seems more appropriate than arrogant assertions that we can forecast and even control a climate ruled by the sun and the stars.

What Are People Looking For?


Okay, I’ve been a blogging for a few months now and so I thought it was time to take stock of why or how people end up at this blog. I’ve compiled a list of search terms from this week and listed them by category and frequency.

So, the number one reason people come to my blog is for shit. Stupid shit, funny shit, cool shit – doesn’t matter, shit is shit, right?
stupid shit
stupid shit to do
utterly stupid shit
cool shit jokes
really cool shit
stupid and cool jokes
really random stupid jokes
shit on my shoe jokes
funny shit
coolest shit on the internet
different days the same shit

Number two reason is apparently inspiration that is somehow connected to death. Now there must be something about all that stupid and funny shit going on here that inspires people – or some of my stuff is so depressing that only really depressed people looking for inspiration come here.
“inspirational words” “death”
inspirational words on the death of child
inspirational words of death
inspirational words death of child
inspirational words for a death in the family
inspiring words for family
how does family feels about death of loved one

Number three reason, appears to be famous people or quotes of famous people.
Helen Keller amazes me because
hemingway motivation passages
ernest hemingway
movie about a writer man’s life
mac davis songs lyrics bug
mac davis photos january 2007
hard to be humble when you are

Number four reason is current events. At last someone is actually interested in my opinion of life and the world around us and politics! Yippee!
current events on race/religion
burn in hell saddam
support the troops my watch tonight
who is the miss america of 2007 prediction
predictions botox anyone 2007
picking your presidential candidate 2007
candidate platforms for election 2008

Number five reason is American Idol. And why not?
taylor hicks meet and greet
taylor hicks favorite saying
american idol seattle popeyed man
dancing queen cover american idol
who is going to be the 2008 american idol

Number six reason is fashion advice. Cool!
how to sit in a skirt
what to wear if you have chicken legs
Why does santa wear Red
global warming underwear on line
underwear boy

Number seven is for our heroes the firefighters – God Bless em.
Firemen Prayer
the words to a firemans pray
firemen and angels
firefighter teamwork sayings

Onto reason number eight which is the search for the drama queen. Well yeah, they’ll definitely find some of that here.
drama queen phrases
belly dance drama queen
drama queen blahs
women dramatic scenes

Reason number nine is food and drink – and really what party would be complete without it?
what to use soup bones in
Julia Childs turkey

Number ten – living for the moment – heavy thinking mind provoking stuff. Yeah, you’ll notice first it’s the shit then it’s thinking stuff.
“live for the moment” chinese symbols
live for the moment pattern
live for the moment or plan for the future

Number eleven is the stuff I guess that appeals to the bipolar in all of us.
okay to talk to yourself outloud
I talk to myself out loud
people who make up stories and hold conversations

Number twelve the stuff that appeals to the evil creature in all of us – as relates to work of course.
tricks to pull on coworkers
birthday letters for clients
toilet office

Number thirteen is those who seek dating advice or commiseration.
manipulation sayings
when a guy asks you to sleep with him
bad date monologue

Number fourteen is taken up by the worriers amongs us.
are you a worry wart?
you are a worry wart

Number fifteen seems to be looking for me personally or advice on hair, not sure.
what happened to Bad Hair Day blogger?
cartoon woman with bad hair day

Number sixteen is clearly a mistake.
good wishes thought
good wishes sayings

Number seventeen, I really don’t have a clue about this one – unless it has something to do with reader feedback or I’ve been writing posts in my sleep again.
hysterical mommy stories
“mommy and daddy wrestling”

Number eighteen proves just how sad we all are – to actually search for nothing…wow
Nothing. Nada.
No nothing, nada, zilch, zip

Number nineteen is the ever popular fat ass syndrome. This particular search item has fallen in popularity it was once quite high on the list. I’m sure it will come back in style as bathing suit season approaches.
you know you’re a fatass when
is my 11 yr old fat

Number twenty apparently is an attempt to steal the pictures that I probably stole to post on a blog.
humorous pictures head exploding
the witches prosthetics photos

Number twenty one a search for answers to the weather.
why can’t the sky be red instead of blue

And finally, number twenty two which is all the other shit that people used to find my blog.
mold on a funny bone
embarrass funny mate
embarrass moment
barney more than hugs lyrics funny
morning hatred
misanthropic quotes
different words for ha ha and ho ho
funning sayings about computers
top ten things you can do with ice
wordPress crit group
poems with made-up words
writers of the show Friends

So i guess in summary, one can only conclude that for the most part people look for my blog when they are looking for shit.