We All Need


Kim over at Good at Getting Better did this little ditty and I thought I’d give it a try myself. You go to g**gle and type in “(your name) needs” then list the top ten needs. Mine were pretty funny and frighteningly accurate. So what does Annie need?

Analysis. Annie needs to be rescued by the armed forces (displaying male power), the entire rescue mission having been set in motion by the preeminent father figure [This one is an obvious no brainer. Any of my readers could have come up with this]

Companionship. Volunteers are taking her out of the kennel each day, but this in no way replaces the companionship Annie needs. Annie needs a home. …[Yes, I am so lonely and I had no idea that others knew I lived in a kennel]
The Four Word Film Review. Annie Hall (1977). 77 reviews. Film rated 4.4 / 5 (Chick rating: 4.3 / 5) (Guy rating: 4.5 / 5 …. Manhattan Pygmalion needs eggs. … Annie needs a Woody. …[Not clear on this one, do I need a film review or a woody?]
A foster home. Please Save Annie!!! Needs a FOSTER home!!!!This is Annie, a mountain cur (?) puppy who desperately needs someone to love her unconditionally, spend time with her training, and can teach her not to be …[Yes, please save me!]
Coffee. Why Annie needs her Coffee~’Why Annie needs her Coffee~ Hi everybody, We were out of our favorite coffee this morning, which made me remember this story. [I always need coffee – jeesh, this is too easy]

A new door. She keeps her door unlocked, slightly ajar. If Annie needs someone, or if someone needs her, she cannot open the door. No one robs Annie. … [You better believe no one robs Annie – or that Annie has anything to rob]
Insight. Finally, the court concluded that the grandparents are “good people,” but their lack of insight into Annie’s developmental needs, the grandfather’s …[Can’t argue with this one – and really it is all about my developmental needs]
A real home. little annie needs a real home [And big Annie could use a real home too]

To Grow up. Another Police Rampage in DC”Annie” needs to grow up and take her politically correct “liberalism” over to Daily Kos where it belongs, with the other “liberals” who want to impose …[Who said I was a liberal????]

To Get Dressed. AJ gets dressed and insists Annie needs to get dressed too. Then the three of us hop in the car where we either go out to the library, or if it’s a M, …[Crap, is there a hidden webcam on this thing?]

Okay, so apparently that is what I need. I would add to the list, fame, fortune and several published novels, but G**gle clearly doesn’t know me that well.

What do you need?


Can You Say, Mucho Dinero?

I just got this in an email from a friend. The following pics show the ‘finds’ at a drug bust of Mexican drug dealers. I couldn’t resist posting them here.


Believe it or not – there were several more – but I guess you get the picture. My friend speculated that they’d just paid off Mexico’s national debt. I’d say that and possibly the purchase of a couple of small countries.

Wow, don’t you just love capitalism?


PS: The sad thing though is that all that money represents drugs coursing through somebody’s system. Gives you pause, eh?

The Bargain Gene

I think all of us get some sort of talent from our gene pool. Not just our tallness, or beauty or perfect skin – but actual talents and character traits.

Now, my Ma has many talents and you wouldn’t know it because for the most part, she doesn’t know that these gifts she has are talents. For one thing, the woman can cook. She can cook any ol’ thing she wants and it comes out great. In fact, I truly don’t ever remember eating a experiment gone bad. She is one of those people who can put together dinner for 8 with nothing in the fridge or the pantry. A real talent and one I believe that inspired me to become a good cook and my love of food. She’s also a heck of a gardener, or at least was. She always had the roses, peonies, honeysuckle and God knows what else growing in the yard. But of all the many talents Ma’s gene pool provided the very best one was the bargain gene.

Nobody but nobody could find a bargain like my mother. She had an attitude, a savvy, a radar that could sniff out a bargain and get it in her cart before anyone was the wiser. Her policy- if it ain’t $3.95 or under, it ain’t a bargain. Okay, I exagerate, but with a family of seven and one income my mother fed, clothed and housed all of us. I don’t remember ever going without anything really. Oh sure there was stuff I always wanted but those were extras.

Anyway, this gene has apparently passed down to me. From the time I was old enough to earn money doing anything, I was a shopper. A bargain huntress, always on the lookout for un-noticed treasures and deals of the century. This year alone, I found 2 Kate Spade bags, a Prada bag, a Coach bag, a set of six crystal wineglasses, a rare, limited issue book, and a brand new foot massager, each for under $10.

Thrift stores, consignment shops, vintage shops, back alleys of antique shops, garage sales, outlets, what have you – if there is a bargain I will find it. I just have the gene for it and it all came from Ma.

Every weekend, just about, I’m out there, slugging my way through racks of crap to find the one gem nestled among the trash. Digging through piles of junk and pull out the antique jewelry box or designer silk shirt. I’m telling you, it should be against the law, I’m so lucky in my finds. In fact, if I don’t come home without at least one really unbelievable find, I feel cheated. As if the universe is punishing me or something.

So, while I can’t swim, or catch fish. Can’t do trig or the new math. And will never be able to figure out how to properly program a vcr or dvd player – I will always be able to find food or anything else at a bargain and feed myself and anyone else who wants to join me at the table. While it’s not everything. It’s quite a bit.

Now…what gene did you get?


Let’s All Do The Rant


When I was a kid and for much of my adult life, I was shy. I know, nobody ever believes me when I tell them this but it’s still true. In fact, when I was a kid I was just shy of being afraid of my shadow. I hardly ever spoke, certainly not to people outside of my family and my few little friends.

I don’t know why, my family wasn’t particularly quiet or reserved, we didn’t have butlers and grand aunts commanding particular modes of behavior. Perhaps I just preferred to sit back and listen. Make myself invisible and watch, like a spy on a secret mission.

I’m certain it is one of the things that sent me in the direction of writing. Because despite my lack of verbosity (is that a word?), I had thoughts…millions of them, ideas, images, dreams. Yes, they were all there and not being spoken. The blank page became my best confidant and may be still.

As I have lived life, had some experiences good and bad, grown more confident in who I am, all that good stuff, I’ve become much more verbal. Not much of a surprise, eh? And thanks to blogging, I have learned the fine art of ranting. Now, this is not to say that I didn’t rant before I became a blogger, sure I did. But I really didn’t have the technique and discipline down. I was all over the place. I was here and there and every fricking where. Also, my voice would rise higher and higher as I reached the all important point. To be honest, not too impressive.

But…in my little dive of a blog I’ve learned to keep my voice level, make my points, use humor and even anger (sometimes) and even edit to drive my rant home.

But I see other friends/bloggers who are in the place I used to be. Not wanting to say the wrong thing. Somehow tarnishing their image as the nice person or considerate person or the one everyone likes because they are just so very kind. The ones who are just dying to rant. Dying to scream at the top of their lungs. Let out all the complaints, real and imagined. Bitch, moan, harp, cry, whine and drama-queen, without fear of rejection or reprisal.

So, here’s your chance. Want to rant? Yeah? Go for it. Right here. Right now. Whatever is on your mind. I don’t care. I give this space to you, my friends and fellow bloggers. Let her rip. Have a ball. I promise you’ll feel much better afterwards.


Chocolate Goes Underground?

You know I was thinking…I know, it’s dangerous when my gray matter gets going…but I digress. This world is getting more and more politically correct. Things we thought were just plain normal a decade ago could possibly be against the law today. For instance, what if some yahoo junior Congressman decided that chocolate was a public danger? What if they made it against the law?

Now, you’re probably laughing and think, oh that’s just too ridiculous but hey transfats are against the law in New York now, right? Why not chocolate? It release endorphins, changes moods, contributes to body fat, cholesteral and makes otherwise sane people drive to the grocery store at three in the morning. Face it folks, chocolate creates altered states in we humans. Somebody could probably make the case that it should be added to the list of schedule one narcotics.

But oh for the humor of it, I wish it would happen. Imagine, we’d have chocolate police. Belguims would be considered risks to national security (unless they gave up their recipes and revealed the locations of their factories). People would start smuggling it in from Switzerland, black market racketeers would be producing car panels made of chocolate and some poor housewife would be busting in the dead of  night by the chocoloate police, whilst munching on her front bumper.

There’s be chocolate labs tucked away in abandoned buildings, small apartments and little out of the way cafes across the country. People would be stopped to have their breaths sniffed by the chocolate brigade.

Valentine’s Day would be a thing of the past. Christmas, Mother’s Day, Birthdays, anniversaries would all be a little less fun and delicious. Cake would only come in vanilla and fruit flavors. Hagan Daas would go out of business. A whole section of Starbuck’s menu would be erased.

PMSing women everywhere would be roaming the streets looking for their fix – and beating up their spouses if they didn’t come through. Easter would be one big hard boiled egg.

Millions of people would be thrown out of work and have to earn their incomes working for shady folks who knew how to move the goods. It would be a veritable nightmare.

I can feel myself breaking into a sweat, my heart is racing and I’m starting to pant a little. Please, not the chocolate!!!!

Gotta go, there’s a 1 pound trader joe’s chocolate bar I have a date with. Just to be on the safe side, I’m going to plant some in my garden and see if anything grows. Hey, it couldn’t  hoit. 😉


Before I Kick the Bucket

Ever think about all the stuff you want to do or see or experience before you leave this Earthly existence. It’s a favorite of TV sit-com characters and kind of fun to think about. Below, are a few things that ring my bell.

1. Be serenaded by Eric Clapton – even better if he wrote me my own song but I don’t want to push it.

2. Write and publish a best-selling novel – still, 12 would be better but Mom always told me not to be greedy.

3. Ice skate without falling on my ass every 10 seconds.

4. Critique Simon Cowell on national television.

5. Have a seance wherein I can meet & converse with Hemingway, Twain, Chandler, Heinlein & Ayn Rand. Hopefully, getting some really great ideas for #2.

6. Be a size 8 again. Okay, I admit it, vanity trumps all for me.

7. Grow a 40lb tomato. Naturally, this is a physical impossibility – but there is a certain freak-show appeal to such things. And Miracle Grow will likely be involved.

8. Own a home. Something cute and quaint. A cabin in the sky, a beach shack done in a Monet, abstract kind of way. One with a garden and yard for the pets. A patio where I can write on my laptop while being one with nature. You know?

9. Go for an entire 24-hour period without worrying about anything.

10. Hear Jesse Jackson tell the truth. Talk about headline news.

11. See Ted (Iamawalrus) Kennedy voted out of office in favor of some young, pastey-faced Republican.

12. See the Grand Canyon.

13. Make a movie – preferrably one that people want to see. But just having that director’s chair might be worth the price of admission for me.

14. Outlive Reality TV. Nuff, said.

15. Learn how to tap dance. I’ll admit this isn’t an absolute necessity but something about that happy feet thing really appeals to me.

16. Learn to ride a horse so that he won’t race back to the stables the minute my ass hits the saddle.

17. Say something really profound without following it up with something incredibly stupid.

18. Climb a mountain – a real one, albeit small. Looking good in hiking shorts and boots would be a prerequisite though.

19. Drive a tractor without killing anyone – although playing chicken with a few farmhands might be fun.

20. Feel fearless about anything.

21. Put AT&T out of business, the bastards!

22. Find an Internet provider that doesn’t suck.

23. Discover the cure for Spam.

24. Finish my damned synopsis.

I think that’s a pretty good list for now. What’s on your list?


So Many Obsessions, so Little Time


I’ve been tagged by Interstellar Lass to do a post about obsessions. Now this is intriguing because I’m not sure I have any obsessions. I can hear laughing out there…but seriously, I’m really not sure I do.

Well, maybe a couple.

I think we can all agree I’m obsessed with blogging. Who’d a thunk it? Last summer when my buddy, Michael asked me to fill in on  his blog while he was on vacation, I thought, Jeez, blogging? Plus the whole thing made me nervous because it seemed so cliquey. As though it was his private club and I’d be crashing. I didn’t think his fellow club members would be interested in anything I had to say or wanted to write about it.

But he was so persuasive and is a good friend, so I decided I’d give it a try. It was only for a week after all and you can pretty much do anything for a week without gagging. Right? So, off I went. My first post was entitled Cream Boogers. To say I was surprised by the response puts it mildly. Like Sally I thought they like me, they really like me! Then I was hooked.

The week ended quickly and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Within a week I had my own blog. And so it began. I learned about hits and stats and stat counters, and links and photobucket and blogrolls and the whole enchilada. I was a blogger from that day forward. And though I bellyache about it sometimes, I doubt I could ever stop blogging.

I’m also obsessed with chocolate. So much so that I will not be able to get the image of a snickers out of my mind (I’m talking days) until I actually get one. Or whatever chocolate obsession is popular with me that week. I can always find a reason to have chocolate. Always.

Books, love books. Not because I’m a writer, though that doesn’t hurt – but because I love climbing into other worlds and leaving my world behind. I love fiction more than nonfiction, but I’m also nutso about the self-help books, the starting your own business books, marketing books and books about art and artists. I always have at least 30 books in the cue that I simply must read. As well as favorite books I want to reread and try to force on others (can you say, Atlas Shrugged?). My local library has a fantastic second hand book store and sell 5 paperbacks for a dollar and hardbacks for 50 cents to 2 bucks. I’ve even found some rare books there. Who needs Barnes and Noble’s?

Talking. Now, I’m not sure talking really classifies as an obsession since we all have to talk. But I don’t mean chit-chat kind of talking. I mean those deep, philosophical, swift exchanging of ideas that matter. The kind of talking that keeps you at Starbuck’s or on the phone til all hours because you just can’t stop, because really it’s the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off kind of talking. Oh yeah, I can talk until my vocal chords shrivel up.

And last but not least, writing. I have written in one form or another since I could write. As far back as I can remember I have written stories. I have been fascinated with the human condition and putting that fascination into the form of stories or poems. Writing to me has been my mother confessor, my friend, my touchstone, my comfort, my refuge, my joy and my heartbreak. It has always been the way I have processed anything. It is the conduit that has connected or disconnected me from the world. I honestly think that if I ever stopped writing I would die. The body might stick around for a bit but my soul would be as dead as a doornail. It is what and who I am, for better or for worse.

Alrighty then, I think that is more than enough obsessions for one post, probably for the decade. And now, you probably know way more about me than you care to know.

How about you? What are your obsessions? Anybody out there who wants to be tagged, consider yourself tagged. Or just share your obsessions here. You know me, love the chatty comments. Go crazy.


PS: How’s that, Lass?

If You Could Be Any…

literary or movie character, from any time period, who would you be? Being a lover of books and movies I find this question intriguing and appealing, so I’ll answer it.


If I could be any literary character I would be Dagney Taggert who is the hero in Atlas Shrugged. I know that some might think that John Galt is the hero but I’d disagree with them. Dagney is the epitome of guts, glory and rugged individualism. She is beautiful, smart, strong, innovative, self-sufficient and lives life on her own terms. But she is also all woman and when she finds the man of her heart she gives herself completely to him. Amazing. Amazing journey too. This 1,000 page plus book is a story of mamoth proportions but I loved being in that world for its entirety. How I wish I had two weeks to do nothing but read – I would go there again in a heartbeat.


If I could be any movie character, I would be Margo in All About Eve – played flawlessly by Bette Davis. She is brilliant, spoiled, talented, insecure, sexy as hell in a broken glass kind of way – and whips the hell out of the little schemer in the end. Ah…the pause that refreshes.

So, what about y’all? Who would you want to be and why, if you care to tell us.


What Do Movies Meme?


Using AFI’s list of 100 Top Movies, bold the ones you’ve seen, ital ones you’d like to see and add up to three that you think should be on the list.

1. CITIZEN KANE (1941) Brilliant mostly for its cinematic features, the story itself is over-rated in my opinion.
2. CASABLANCA (1942) A real classic – love it still.
3. THE GODFATHER (1972) To me, the epitome of gangster movies which meant for me I no longer had to see any more ganster movies which generally are boring as hell.

4. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939) a movie I was satisfied to see once.
5. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962) a movie that was almost as hard to watch as Reds.
6. THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939) still afraid of those flying monkeys.
7. THE GRADUATE (1967)
8. ON THE WATERFRONT (1954) The speech with Brando and Malden in the cab is the best part.
9. SCHINDLER’S LIST (1993) Truly touched me.
10. SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN (1952) Who doesn’t love this one?
11. IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946) always gets to me.
13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957) I never really ‘got’ this movie. What was the big deal?
14. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959) Nothing funnier than Curtis and Lemon in drag.
15. STAR WARS (1977) Once was more than enough to see any of these movies.
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950) If  you haven’t seen this, you must the dialogue alone is worth watching it.
18. PSYCHO (1960)

19. CHINATOWN (1974) The sequel The Two Jakes is decent too.
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968) yawn!
24. RAGING BULL (1980)
26. DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)
31. ANNIE HALL (1977)
33. HIGH NOON (1952)
34. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962) I dare you to watch this movie and not feel changed by it.
36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969) Very sad and tragic I thought.
38. DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944) True Film Noir.

40. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959) I was fascinated by the shine in Eva Marie Saint’s hair in this one. How did they do it?
41. WEST SIDE STORY (1961) Urban Romeo and Juliet which has never been improved upon.
42. REAR WINDOW (1954)
43. KING KONG (1933)
45. A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951)  Blanche Dubois is one of the most unique characters ever written in my opinion.
46. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971) Ugh, hated this
47. TAXI DRIVER (1976)
48. JAWS (1975) One of the best scary movies ever.
53. AMADEUS (1984)
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
58. FANTASIA (1940)
61. VERTIGO (1958)
62. TOOTSIE (1982)
63. STAGECOACH (1939)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) The mashed potato scene is my favorite.
65. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991) Chianti and fava beans, yummy.
66. NETWORK (1976)
67. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962) This version was superior to the recent remake.
69. SHANE (1953)
71. FORREST GUMP (1994)
72. BEN-HUR (1959)
74. THE GOLD RUSH (1925)
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990) I only remember how I longed for this movie to be over.
76. CITY LIGHTS (1931)
78. ROCKY (1976) Despite all the terrible sequels the original was one of the best movies every made.
79. THE DEER HUNTER (1978)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
PLATOON (1986)
84. FARGO (1996)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951)
93. THE APARTMENT (1960)
94. GOODFELLAS (1990)
95. PULP FICTION (1994) totally over-rated and stupid.
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
98. UNFORGIVEN (1992) Not bad, but did it really deserve all those oscars?
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942) It was a hoot to see Cagny dancing and singing after all those ganster movies.

I have seen 78 out of 100 – wow, even I’m surprised. The three I would add to the list are:


The three I’d remove from the list are:

1. Lawrence of Arabia
2. The Godfather Part II
3. Grapes of Wrath

What are your picks?