BAd jOkEs

There must be something in the air lately – I’ve had multiple friends send me batches of bad jokes. Of course to me, there is nothing better than a bad joke. The badder the better. If a joke elicits a big groan from me then it’s high on the joke meter. Not being one to be selfish, I thought I’d share the latest bad jokes floating around.

Remember…the bigger the groan the better the joke. 😉 H.T. to Ger and Marli.

• What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
• What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
• Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
• Why is air a lot like sex?Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any
• What do you call a smart blonde?A golden retriever.
• What do attorneys use for birth control?Their personalities.
• What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs
• What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
• What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife
• Why do men want to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.
• Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
• What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ‘Are you sure it’s mine?’
• Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
• Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA.
• Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
• Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
• What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.
• What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time ..’ –A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this S**t….

Puns, anyone?

• Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
  married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception
  was excellent.
• A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don ‘t start anything.”
• A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
• Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
• “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home!'”
  “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
  “Is it common?”
  Well , “It’s Not Unusual.”
• An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
  were nothing to look at either.
• Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
• A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
  He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
  The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kay ak were chilly, so they lit a
  fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
  again that you can’t have your kay ak and heat it too.
• A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
  were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
  tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
  came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
  “But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
  “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in
  an open foyer.”
• Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…(get ready to groan)… A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
• And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at leas ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.