Writer Chick Predicts 2016

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Yup, it’s New Year’s Day and time to make a few predictions (about which I will no doubt, be wrong). Because, well because it’s fun to predict the future and considering all the drinks we had last night, a few laughs might be in order. Am I right? Okay, so Writer Chick predicts…

  1. After an unsuccessful Kick-starter campaign, Barnes and Noble will go belly up – blaming Amazon for their failure.
  2. The Author’s Guild will start selling ‘information products’ for writers that promise secrets methods to beat Amazon’s algorithms. Of course it won’t work, but Amazon will be (very) publicly blamed for their author members’ low royalties.
  3. Amazon will be voted the “Person of the Year” by Time magazine – this will drive NY Times  writers into a frenzy.
  4. Apple will release the long awaited iAlarm. The innovative gadget will wake you in in ten different time zones, provide unreliable weather forecasts, and give you ten affirmations to utter before rising.
  5. ABC, NBC and CBS will engage in a bidding war for the new TV pilot based on the Star Wars movies.  However, while the major broadcast stations are mired in entertainment warfare, Fox will create a kick ass show based on Hugh Howie’s Silo Series.
  6. Amid the Star Wars mania that Disney is spending millions to generate, Ford Motor Company will come out with the limited edition Darth Vader – an SUV hybrid that comes only in black and has a hissy sound system.
  7. The Big5 publishers will team up with Walmart to create a book co-op in hopes of driving Amazon under – instead, they will drive Walmart under.
  8. In a last ditch effort to gain votes, Donald Trump will auction off his hair in a Vegas style, online event.
  9. Apple will also come out with the iPhone Jumbo which users will wear like a backpack. Some will complain about the inconvenient size, however, all will agree that the awesome clarity on streaming videos cannot be beat.
  10. PETA no longer satisfied to just fight for animal rights, will kick off a campaign for animal marriage. Next up – inter-species marriage.
  11. In a stunning revelation on the end of the year, Barbara Walters special, Michael Moore will reveal that he is a genetically modified life form created by Monsanto.
  12. The cost of oil will topple to an amazing $19 a barrel. However, California drivers will still be paying upwards of $3 a gallon, for reasons only Gerry Brown knows.
  13. Apple will also develop a new product- the iHologram – an eReader accessed by a computer chip, placed in your brain. Google will file an intellectual property lawsuit, claiming the brain chip was to be their next succession in the Google Glasses evolution.
  14. An anonymous whistle blower will reveal that Google has been an arm of the NSA since its inception. Finally, somebody will use Yahoo to search on the Internet.

How about you? What are you predictions for 2016? Tell em like you see em in the comments. Happy New Year.

Annie

 

 

 

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The Indie author’s list of new year’s resolutions

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Ah, it’s that time of year when we reflect on the year that has passed and the changes we want to make in the coming year. Typically, losing weight, quitting smoking and/or drinking and having higher self esteem tops the list for many. Though as indie authors, our lists are a might different. Here’s a few that might resonate:

  • Buy, download, read and review every book written by someone who retweeted you on twitter.
  • Write, edit and publish four books by the end of the year.
  • Learn how to write standing up to stop the spread of writer’s ass
  • Stop seething every time that writer you follow on Facebook posts yet another glowing review or quotes herself
  • Stop obsessing over that one review that befuddles you
  • Discover the mysteries of tweeting. Cat pictures only go so far.
  • Learn to make and like a writer’s drink, like bourbon or something manly.
  • Delete the blog you started for your characters (how lame was that?).
  • Force yourself to learn how to use that horrible template from Create Space without throwing your computer out the window.
  • Stop checking your sales dashboard every twenty minutes – get a life.
  • Find something that tears you away from the computer and has absolutely nothing to do with writing.
  • Stop subscribing to marketers claiming they have the product that will make you a best seller.
  • Write better, write calmer, be happy with the stories that belong to you, share accordingly.

How about you? Any special resolutions you have made for yourself? Feel free to share or add to the list in the comments.

Note: I am offline for a few days, but will happily respond to any comments on my return. In the meantime, have a happy and safe holiday.

Annie

The New Year List

At this stage of my life I have learned to not do silly things like make resolutions. I mean honestly, who needs a new year to pop up in order to make changes in their life? Not I, certainly. However, I do have a list of things that I do want to do or keep doing, so I’m calling that my New Year list. So this year I promise…

1. Not to spend $10 to $500 on any prepackaged diet plan, odd exercise equipment or dvd fitness sets. In fact, I will spend nothing. Nada. If I want to get fit I know how to do it, spending money is really not how to get good muscle tone, you know?

2. I will only drive my car when I feel the need to express my road rage or to prove the fact that I cannot talk on the cell phone and drive at the same time. (This is my contribution to planetary Green actions.)

3. I will not change my address three times over a twelve month period. Let’s be honest, that many change of address cards is just cruel to the postal carrier.

4. I will maintain and cultivate all my bad habits and possibly discover a couple of new ones to add to my arsenal of tricks. And anyone who suggests I might do some sort of self improvement will be immediately removed from my Christmas card list.

5. To bitch, moan and complain about politicians, gas prices, stupid people, assclowns and the general deteriorating state of the world at large with wild abandon.

6. To write even more stupid lists like this one in the coming year. And don’t get me started on memes….

7. To never shut up nor withhold my two cents about anything or anyone. Ever.

8. That when I see someone being cruel to children, animals and old people I will go out of my way to kick their sorry asses.

9. To never make meatloaf the same way twice.

10. To become one with my fat ass and just enjoy that damn doughnut since I’m definitely eating it anyway.

11. To sing Christmas carols in July and barbecue in November and wear war paint to work every other Thursday, especially if I find a job in customer service.

12. To eat chocolate at every opportunity and insist it is a prescription drug when people suggest I shouldn’t eat so much chocolate.

13. To make people laugh, to think and even to argue with me whenever I can.

14. To make sure all the people in my life know that I love them and that they are important to me.

15. To stop worrying about the small stuff and screw the details.

16. To never forget that no matter what else life is, it is always an amazing adventure and should be treated as such.

Happy New Year, everybody. What’s on your new year list?