Respect for Women—Where Reality & Fiction Collide – a Guest Post by EM Bosso

Let’s talk about respect for women and why 33% of college men (which wouldn’t be a large leap to include all men) would commit rape if they wouldn’t get caught. Yes, that’s a real number and I could site the study if someone really wants to see it. The real question shouldn’t be why they would commit rape. The real question should be why is there such a massive disregard and lack of respect for females as fellow humans, equal in all ways?

The disrespect for women in our society is subtle, in most cases, but it affects the views of young men at a deep and subconscious level. It’s in the words we use, the daily interactions we have, and the issues we don’t address. They aren’t meant to be hateful, or abusive, but they are insidious in our views of the female population. As an example, when a boy, or a man, is considered weak by other males we call them a pussy, or tell them to “quit being a girl”. If a male cries, he’s told to quit crying like a woman. You have examples of your own, I don’t need to go on. The subtle message to all males is, “women are weak, and men need to be strong.” In that environment, how can a boy grow into a man and respect females as equals? Society, our friends, and frequently our parents have told us that clearly, we are the dominant gender. We are not all equal.

Children see their parents, and watch their interactions, in order to learn the dynamics of a relationship. The words we may use with our kids do not override what they witness. A father that doesn’t appreciate the efforts of his spouse, is dismissive of his wife’s contribution to the family (be it a career, or child-rearing), or dominates the relationship, instead of sharing the successes and struggles of marriage fully, is telling his children, sons and daughters, that the main female influence in their lives is not as important as the main male role-model.

Guess who sees the disregard, subtle insults, verbal abuse, and emotional damage? Our children. They are learning from our actions and interactions far more than our words. They see, and hear, their father subtly mocking their mother. The see, and hear, their mothers struggling to keep a family together, both physically and emotionally.

These aren’t evil people or bad parents. They aren’t violent, or abusive, in the standard sense. In fact, if you asked the spouse, you would be told that everything is fine, their partner is a good, kind, and loving person. I’m sure they probably are, yet the nature of our society accepts putting woman in the subservient role at every level of civilization: from the workforce to marriage and relationships. Until that changes, and it needs to change in the home during the formative years of a child’s life, women will continue to be disrespected, dehumanized, and otherwise be treated as “less” than men.

Imagine how different the world would be if children were witness to parents that sat down and discussed life, dreams, plans, successes, and failures in an open and honest manner. Imagine, if young boys saw their fathers looking to their wives for emotional support and offering the same in her time of need, in a healthy and loving way. What would life be like if every child was raised to see their parents as equal partners in life progressing towards common goals? How different would the world be if we simply respected each other’s words and opinions, thoughts and desires, dreams and goals, as equal and worthy as our own?

If that was the world we lived in, I would imagine FBoM would never have needed to be written.

BIO:  EM Bosso writes novels, blog posts, and articles about the interactions between males and females, both healthy and supremely unhealthy relationships. His series SMAFU (Situation Married All Fucked Up) deals with marriage, divorce, and reconciliations. His FBoM series (Foundation for the Betterment of Mankind) deals with the darker topics of Rape, Abuse, Gaslighting, and the dangers of a vengeance.  If you are interested in learning more about EM BOSSO, please visit his website To learn more about his books you can visit his Amazon page or Kobo.

 

Twenty Vs. Twenty – Guest Post by Panther

Hi, I’m Panther from the Urban Panther’s Lair and I was so thrilled when Annie asked me to come on over to be a guest blogger, I foolishly gave her the opportunity to pick the topic. I even gave her carte blanche to make it challenging. Well, you know our Annie, she put on her thinking cap and came back with a doozie!

Do you feel that modern relationships (the 20-somethings) are fundamentally different when you and I were in that age group?

Well, I was 20-something, about, um, 20-something years ago. And I have three children who are 20-somethings. While this doesn’t make me an expert, it certainly means I can have a heck of a lot of fun extemporizing on this topic!

In my children, and their friends, I have observed three major differences on their approach to relationships from how my friends and I approached them at the same age.

1. Caution

I dated my boyfriend for six months, got engaged, and was married within a year. I was doing a scan of my friends from that time period, and stories I have heard from other people my age, and this rapid romance seems to have been quite common. We were certainly all married before our 23rd birthdays. My children, and their friends, are taking a much more cautious approach. D1 dated her boyfriend for four years before she moved in with him. She’s 23 and he’s 27. D2 has been dating her boyfriend for almost a year, most of that at a distance because they were in universities over three hours away from each other. In the Fall, she’ll be heading to another university over an hour away, and then heading off to Europe to do a placement in a museum. Their friends also seem to be taking time before moving in with their boyfriend or girlfriend. And marriage? Add another year, or two, or three, of living together before that is even a consideration.

2. Stick-to-it-tiveness

When my friends and I were dating, if we broke up, we broke up. Maybe one ‘second chance’ but that’s it; NEXT! What I have found fascinating is the willingness, mainly on the part of the young women, to wait it out. In what I think is pretty typical fashion, the young males panic when they start to ‘get too close’ to their girlfriends, and hit the highway at a run. Then they realize they actually miss their girlfriends and come back. This Panic, Run, Return pattern repeats itself several times. Sometimes, children are even created during the Return stage, triggering yet another Run. The young women aren’t sitting around pining for their man, and do carry on, but they open up their hearts and homes during the Return stage. Eventually, the young men deal with their fears and commit themselves to the relationship.

3. Screw the man

No, not that way! I mean screw The Man. For the most part, we were chasing the all mighty dollar. Long work hours, training courses at night, volunteer hours to build contacts, etc, etc. We were always seeking the next promotion. This meant time away from our loved ones. Not my kids and their friends. Yes, they are getting an education, and yes they want to live comfortably, but when they leave work, they leave work. They are willing to live on less materially, in order to enjoy each other, their friends, and eventually their kids.

So, why the above three differences? This is where I am totally taking a wild guess, but here’s my theory. Caution…heck, I’m on my third long term relationship. My kids lived through my first two, which weren’t all that pleasant. Especially the second one. No wonder they are taking time to really get to know their partners. Sticking it out? I was divorced by the time I was 28. Most of my friends and acquaintances were divorced by 30. These kids are working out their differences and growing into each other first. And if that means times apart from each other for personal growth, so be it. Screw The Man? I am sure a lot of the 20-somethings of today grew up watching one or both parents giving their all to work, only to have the plug yanked unexpectedly after 20 or 30 years of dedicated service. Missed dinners, missed school concerts, missed bedtime stories? Not what these young people want for themselves and their families.

Despite the difference in approach to building relationships, I know my kids want the same thing that I want. To live happy, fulfilled lives, with someone who loves and respects them. And I believe, while the initial stage seems slow, they actually stand a better chance of finding that person faster than I did.

(Woo-hoo, Panther, you really rose to the challenge here and wrote a great and insightful post. Bravo!)