It used to be that Spam was just a really poor imitation of canned ham. I believe it was developed during World War II when meat was pretty scarce (as were all resources) and people were willing to give mystery meat a try. And heck somebody must have liked it cuz, you know they are still selling it today.
I think I tried it once and that was really enough – sort of like balloons with a bologna-like flavor and a might too much salt – but I have a finnicky palate. Kudos to those who can enjoy a hearty meal of Spam and eggs or Spam samiches or spam-hash. Bless you all.
However, the original Spam is not the topic of this post. Nope…
We are talking about the evil Spam. The type intended to overrun mailboxes, websites and blogs. It is junk mail gone wild. If this stuff was on paper, there would not be one tree left standing on the planet. It can be vicious, gross, mean, annoying and bizarre – but mostly, to me, it is really fucking STUPID! Yeah, stupid. I mean, come on already – do these idiots really think that we think that we just won an Irish Sweepstakes or a UK Super Lotto? Do they not know that we know that one must enter these contests in order to win? Do they really think we are as stupid as they?
They don’t even try to be smart about it. They don’t use demographics or any real marketing tools. It’s just so amazingly stupid it boggles the rational mind. For example, why send viagra ads to females? Sure maybe one or two will want to buy some for their disgusting, decrepit, alcoholic old man – but with all the marital aids on the market these days (many of which can be purchased at Amazon for cripes sake) why bother? And hot nude girl pictures also sent to women – now granted there may be a percentage of women who like that stuff but do you really think you’re hitting your niche market by sending a gajillion links to hot teen sex to a bunch of middle-aged soccer moms who blog on the side? Get real.
Here is a recent list of spam caught on my blog –
MedsMan – he is offering me honey in a lovely nonsensical comment that I supposed was designed to make me so curious I would click on his link and end up on his hideous website.
Stinky – He’s selling sex and cars or maybe it is sex with cars – didn’t really want to follow the link – know what I mean?
JohnB – This one really got me – pictures of Chlamydia AND Hot Mature Babes. Now given that Chlamydia is sexually transmitted disease I can only imagine what the pictures would look like. But really, if I want to see a disease can’t I go to the Discovery Channel or something – with Scientists and lab photos?
752njpgh – Thinks I’m a candidate for viagra.
BadGirl apparently works with Stinky since they hawk the same goods and have the same links.
451yhafft – Kindly offered me amatuer porn – now if I was into porn would I really want to see the amatuer stuff? Couldn’t I do that myself?
Kolia would like to send me some bad nude celebrity photos. Since I’ve seen plenty of bad celebrity photos I’m quite sure I don’t want to see any of them naked.
Kazbert is a GP spammer and is offering directv with a little Disney Channel shopping on the side.
Green simply claims to be a sex teacher – wow they have teachers for that now? I sure hope they don’t get any federal funding for it.
FouFoun – has some cheap airline tickets to Russia. Now I ask you, how many out there want to go to Russia under any circumstance? Cheap tickets or no, I’m gonna pass.
Mr. Carrot works with BadGirl and Stinky – cute names though, eh? Sort of like Porno stuffed animals or something.
Dertaer apparently works with FouFoun to trick people into going to Russia by giving them cheap tickets and lots of black market smokes.
Huss just dropped by to thank me for my site and tell me how much he enjoyed it. Oh sure he did.
Helga Ferg seems to be offering drugs, sex and rock and roll – I’m asking you will the Baby Boomer generation ever get off that anthem? Shouldn’t some of them be dead by now?
Hillary Ferg I’m guessing is Helga’s sisters although she is offering balloon art. Now one could wonder what kind of ‘art’ is on those balloons or maybe just take a pass altogether.
So, there they are folks, the stupid spammers who tried to put stupid spam on my blog and were caught by the spam filter. May they all end up in Spam Hell where they are forced to read their own disgusting crap 24/7 because they are permanently installed in front of a computer screen, have no eyelids and their screams can’t be heard because they are in a hermetically sealed cubicle.