Writer Chick Predicts 2010

Every year I take a stab at predicting the future with questionable results. Doris Day likes to croon, “The future’s not ours to see” – still it doesn’t stop us from trying.

Now that I have downed my double half-caf chai latte and have gotten in touch with the vibes of the universal future I predict:

1. Now that global warming has been discredited and the email scandal has been blown wide open, the term global warming will not be uttered. An obscure scientist from Boise, Iowa will start a new movement known as Global Manipulation, ironically this new movement will have the same characteristics of global warming though, without Algore and the social stigma attached to it. Which will give it new life and give chicken littles everywhere a chance to mass produce new tee shirts, mouse pads and bumper stickers.
2. An outbreak of horse flu will scare the nation into avoiding rodeos and dude ranches and fashionistas will finally have to stop wearing cowbody boots with evening gowns.
3. Tea parties will become the social media events of the day and require attendance in the real world and force people to actually do something.
4. A big-haired granny will be caught with a cherry bomb in her corsette while trying to board a plane and corsettes will be banned on all domestic and international flights. This will cause the bra industry to collapse and the return of the braless granola girl look to high fashion. Young stupid actresses everywhere will embrace this new look, relieved they no longer have to have boob jobs.
5. The 2010 mid-term elections will return a balance of power to Congress and democrats everywhere will teeter on the precipice.
6. When/if the mamoth healthcare (and we use the term loosely) bill manages to pass, a class action lawsuit will be filed by a vast group of conservative middle aged women from across the nation. They will ultimately also end up suing the ACLU for refusing to represent them in said suit and OJ’s dream team will reassemble for the honor of suing the federal government and also the face time on front pages everywhere.
7. Now that Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol the tight tee shirt industry will collapse and throw even more illegal aliens out of work, forcing them to return to Mexico where they can at least get a decent taco.
8. Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer will all appear as character witnesses in the terrorist trials slated to take place in New York, in the hopes that the photo ops can be used in re-election bids later in the year. Additionally, CBS anchorperson, Katie Couric will be tapped to host a new reality show called, Terrorists are People Too, in an efffort to boost her evening newcast ratings.
9. And finally, President Obama will have a sugary, caffiene-heavy soda named after him called Bama-Pop. However, it will be pulled immediately from the market due to side effects which include trash talking and messiah complexes

How about you, what do you predict?

WC

Party Line

By now, no doubt we’ve all heard about the gate crashers who waltzed into a state party given by our illustrious fearless leader. I’m sorry but I had to laugh – because honestly, if the secret service isn’t interested enough to make sure that people who aren’t on the list don’t get in – are they really wanting to take a bullet for the guy? It’s something to think about anyway.

Too, I’m wondering just how large a price those snap shots of the prez and the party crashers are going to fetch on Ebay – though personally, I’m waiting for the YouTube vid to turn up. Surely one was taken on somebody’s blackberry or iphone. Bloggers across the nation will be posting it with gleeful abandon – myself included if I ever get my hands on it.

The other thing that has me wondering and a bit concerned is the casualness with which things seem to be taken these days up there on the Hill. Cripes, next thing you know, it will be open mike night at the next state dinner – homeless dudes will be trolling for spare change and the queer eye guys will be hawking their own line of designer clothes to Michelle. My, how things have changed.

WC

A Peace of the Prize

bama award

Yeah, sorry, I simply couldn’t resist the urge to lampoon this historical bungle. Some funny and rather appropriate quotes:

“The whole business of a bunch of Scandinavian worthies doling out the profits of a long-gone dynamite maker’s fortune has always smacked of the worst sort of self-satisfied plutocratic worthiness. But this takes the biscuit. President Obama remains the barely man of world politics, barely a senator now barely a president, yet in the land of the Euro-weenies (copyright PJ O’Rourke) the great and the good remain in his thrall. To reward him for a blank results sheet, to inflate him when he has no achievements to his name, makes a mockery of what, let’s face it, is an already fairly discredited process (remember Rigoberta Menchu in 1992? Ha!). That’s not the point. What this does is accelerate the elevation of President Obama to a comedy confection, which he does not deserve, and gives his critics yet another bat to whack him with. Shame on the Norwegians.” –London’s Daily Telegraph chief political commentator Benedict Brogan

AND

“I can’t agree with my colleagues here on CONTENTIONS that a) Barack Obama should reject the Nobel Peace Prize or b) be embarrassed by it. The Nobel Committee chose him wisely because he does, in fact, represent the organization’s highest ideals. He is an American president queasy about the projection of American power. He is an American president who rejects the notion of American exceptionalism. He is an American president eagerly in pursuit of legitimacy to be granted him not by those who voted for him but by those who do not cast a vote and who chafe at American leadership. It is his devout wish that America become one of many nations, influencing the world indirectly or not influencing it at all, rather than “the indispensable nation,” as Madeleine Albright characterized it. He is the encapsulation, the representative, the wish fulfillment, the very embodiment, of the multilateralist impulse. He is, almost literally, a dream come true for the sorts of people who treasure and value the Nobel Peace Prize. It’s the most obvious choice, once you think about it, since Michael Moore won an Oscar for Bowling for Columbine.” –columnist John Podhoretz

So, I guess that makes it official – the Nobel Peace Prize is more about what some Euro-Weenies think somebody is going to do – that by the by aligns with their ‘enlightened’ view of how the world should be – rather than actual accomplishments. That cinches it, eh? The world is now officially become form over substance perceptive.

Hey, I have some pretty good ideas…do you think I might be up for the award next year? I could sure use some of that prize money, I need to seriously update my wardrobe. 😉

WC

A Thousand Words

That’s what they say about pictures, right? In that case, here’s 4,000 for you.

deer-trap

Boy, is this going to piss off PETA!

boobmobile

I always wondered what Evyl’s car looked like.

soccer-bridge

Some people are such show offs. Like, would they do this with a couch potato?

white-out

And all this time I thought men painted those lines.

This and That…

morning012sunthrutree

Morning!
Hope everybody had a good weekend. We had fun. I had a great shopping weekend, everything was on sale and I ended up scoring a desk chair for free as well. Don’t you love it when that happens?

Woke up this morning to bucketloads of snow – I mean a LOT. Had to put on the man’s boots (who wears boots in L.A.?) and took the dog out. She seemed to enjoy hopping through the snow drifts but even she was too cold to stay out and do much of anything.

Also, big news…we are starting up Theme Fridays again. Jess, Christine and Panther will all be playing with me. I’m very jazzed, I’ve missed it and I hope you have too. This Friday we are back on it with the theme “Commuter” – hopefully it will be a great come back prompt.

Not much else happening, I will be back tomorrow and do a real post. Just wanted to say, hey…so, hey. Wink

Dog-dar

Since I moved and more specifically since we moved back into the apartment, I’ve had to adjust my habits with my little dog Maggie. Before this, I had always lived in a house that had a yard and the last place I lived even had a bonafide pet door. Ah, those were the good ol’ days. If the little mutt had to go I didn’t need to know about it and frankly, she didn’t tell me either. I had absolutely no attention on how many times she pee’d or pooped or how many times she’d gone out or even how many hours it had been since her last outting. It was all kind of automatic and I didn’t need to bother about it.

Well, now that we live in an apartment complex and not on the ground floor and not in a garden apartment there is this new routine in my life known as walking the dog. Don’t get me wrong, I always walked the dog before but mostly for the exercise and to qualm her cabin fever and to provide some fresh air for me. Now, not so much. Now, it’s about protecting the carpet and preventing an exploding bladder with the little pupster.

Sometimes the man takes her out – they like to go to the park and wander around and develop bad habits – like running wild without benefit of leash and sometimes charging other dogs or joggers easily ten times Maggie’s size. But really this post isn’t about that. And as usual, I digress…It’s about synchronization.

It seems that no matter when I take out the dog, day or night, rain or shine, early or late that other pet owners in the building take their dogs out too. Well naturally, you might think, since I am obviously not the only pet owner in a building that houses over 400 people. But here’s the eerie thing, it’s always the same people and the same dogs with the same result. Their dogs are nice and sweet and well mannered and very socialized, mine is like Rocky Balboa on catnip with a little coffee thrown in there for good measure. If I were not as strong as I am I would have lost her dozen of times for all the charging she tries to do.

Again I digress – back to the dog-dar – it’s as though there is some sort of apartment dweller sychronization going on here, almost like a pod-people walking their dogs kind of thing and it freaks me out just a little. I mean, seriously, I honest to God do not have a regular time when I take her out – I just take her when she gets that anxious, bug-eyed little dog look that says “I gotta go.” Yet, whenever I do the ‘others’ are out there. Always out there. I’m starting to feel like I live in a Stephen King novel. Where the podpeople dog walkers are secretly using their dog-dar on me. Surely they must have jobs (unlike me) and places to go, people to meet, how is it they are always there? And too, why is it they never really look at you or speak to you – not even to sneer? They just stiff leg down the street, letting their dogs take them hither and yon. It’s just weird and creepy, you know? Oops, gotta go…I feel a strong, undeniable urge to walk my dog – like a magnet is pulling me outside, outside, outside….

Meme Me

Aha, now that all that heavy thinking is behind us, I have a meme of no consequence to share. Just for the hell of it. And no, the picture hasn’t got squat to do with it – but I thought it might make you curious.

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 3:30 then 6:30, then 8:00 – yes, I’m an equal opportunity insomniac.

2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? Pearls, they go with everything you know and muggers never want them.

3 WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? Don’t remember, but it was probably not that good and cost too much to see.

5. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? Coffee and maybe I can choke down a protein drink or something. Morning is for coffee, reading, and computer games, not eating or doing anything strenuous.

5a. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TELEVISON SHOW? Medium, Heroes & Numbers – since this is summer and there really is nothing to watch, I don’t watch much tv lately – actuallly I don’t watch much tv anymore, generally. Also, too they started showing Dexter this last spring which was an interesting show – I would like to see more of that if only out of curiosity.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Marie. Sad, isn’t it?
7. WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? Lamb and vennison, too sweet and icky. I go through phases when I can’t look at a chicken or tuna either and sometimes brocoli makes me want to gag.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD? Etta James – Story Book & Ricki Lee Jones (self titled)

9. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? A midnight blue Toyota Avalon – not my preference but a decent car. If I had my druthers I’d have a 68 cherried out Chevy Impala, pale yellow, ragtop. Yeah, I’d be cruising.

10. FAVORITE SANDWICH? Rare roast beef, with dill pickles & provolone cheese, mayo, mustard and on fresh sourdough bread.

11. WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE? Dishonesty I can’t abide it.

12. FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING: My black leather flip flops, so comfortable and goes with everything.

13. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION WHERE WOULD YOU
GO? That’s a tough one because I’m torn between what I would like to see and who I would like to visit – I’ve always wanted to go to New England in the Fall, I’ve recently become interested in Australia because I have friends there but honestly, Ireland is my number one, I feel a connection to the place and wanted to spend at least one birthday there. It’s on my wish list.

14. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? Greens and blues, the colors of the sea.

15. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? Donna Karan – her jeans are so good for my ass.

16. WHERE Will YOU RETIRE TO? I don’t know, Texas, Washington or New Mexico I think. Someplace with mild weather where it is easy to grow things and it’s beautiful to lookat.

17. WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? I forget which birthday it was but it was the one where Zelda threw me a surprise party and everybody and their uncle came, plus all brought presents, we ate great food, had music, laughed and talked – it was perfect, it really was.

18. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Clearance table tug of wars.

19. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS? No telling – the internet goes pretty far.

20. FAVORITE SAYING? Whatever. No, seriously, that’s it.

21. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? St Patrick’s Day

22. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT PERSON? I don’t know, I have gotten into the habit of waking pretty early, however, I really like the night time and seem to have more energy, especially creative energy then. So, I guess night.

23. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? 7.5 and thank you for not inquiring about the width – yes, I confess I have duck feet.

24. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH US? Well, my temp gig ends today which means I will no longer have to see to the needs of 17 pets, a petulant slacker and mind-numbingly boring marketing stuff. That’s pretty exciting to me. But I’m easy to please. Also, my friend Kelly got out of the hospital yesterday and went home after 3 months in the hospital due to her car accident. I only wish I could be there for her.

25. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? A ballerina. I used to prance around. Dance in the backyard, on my bed, in the fields, the park, anywhere. I loved to twirl.

26. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Pretty good. I’ve managed to start getting some sleep again which is always good news, have lots ideas for writing and I’m looking into podcasting, plus my hair doesn’t suck, lately.

27. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Snickers. Not sure why but there is nothing better than a Snickers bar when you’re happy, you’re sad, you’re fat, you’re thin. Hey man, Snickers goes with everything.

28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Sterling roses. Somewhat rare, they are quite beautiful, look a lot like American Beauties but they are pale lavender with a silver edge to them. Very fragrant and magical looking in a way.

29. WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? August 22nd, I’m having a little vacay with my friend Jenny – which should be a scream. We haven’t had much time together in the last few years. So we’ll spend a few days being retards, laughing, eating, drinking, whatever – we always have fun.

30. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? My foot? No, really…what was it? Salad I think. Boring, eh?

31. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Deep sea green, like the ocean.
32. FAVORITE STARBUCKS DRINK? Sumatra daily drip, lots of cream, no sugar.

33. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Perfect, 75 degrees, cloudless, little breeze making the Mimosa tree sway.

34. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Diet Coke and Iced Tea.

35. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? The Castaway in Burbank. It is at the top of a mountain and it looks down on the entire Los Angeles Basin, the food is amazing and after you eat you can take your drink outside and sit at a table and watch the sunset. Fabulous.

36. SIBLINGS? Kathy, Michelle, Chris & Alan (deceased)

37. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Christmas and 4th of July – dang I really can’t choose, can I? And I don’t want to if I were being honest. In my mind they are both about love, family, friends, food and celebration – what more could you want?
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer without a doubt. I love the sun, I love flowers, I love butterflies, watermelon, balmy breezes, long days – ah, it’s the best. In fact if I could swing it I’d probably only have summer 364 days of the year and I would let snow on Christmas and then back to summer.

39 HUGS OR KISSES? Again with the choosing, that’s just not fair, both are really quite lovely and I couldn’t give up one for the other.

40 COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee, I do like my tea sometimes but I love my coffee, the darker, the stronger the better.

41. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate with a little chocolate thrown on top for good measure.

42. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The other day when I talked to Kelly and she told me she was going home. I could cry just thinking about it now. I was so terrified she was going to die that with each little bit of progress I cry out of pure relief and happiness, knowing that I won’t lose my dear, sweet friend.

43. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Kelly actually, with Zelda a close second and then Jenny – I like to keep my friends for a long time, forever actually – I can’t imagine my life without them, they mean so much to me.

44. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? I blogged, I visited, I wrote a silly pirate poem which had me in a gleeful twitter for some reason, talked to a couple of really good friends, made some plans that made me happy. Tried to sleep.

45. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? That one day I will not be able to write and that all that I have written means nothing.

46. WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON? I’m looking into doing some podcasting, not very technical so that should be an adventure. Also have a new mystery which I am getting back to, finishing an old novel from years back, writing lots of poetry, have another story that is rolling around in my head which may insist on being written, setting up some freelance work and should probably be contemplating getting back on my exercise routine which has suffered in the last couple of months.

47. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? T is for Trespass, by Sue Grafton, I think actually it’s my favorite from her, quite good. Currently on Brother Odd from Dean Koontz

48. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Sunday, it’s when all of my stuff has been done, I can sleep in, be lazy, read, eat, garden, cook, hang with friends, write.

49. DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY? This is hard to answer. I am a friendly person and can make others feel at ease, which is born out of my shyness actually. Weird, huh? So that I do make friends easily in that way. But really close friends? Not so easily. I think it takes time and lots of time together to make a friend – don’t you?

Well and there you have it a boring weekend meme. Hope you enjoyed it.