The Lord of the Flies & His Vacuum

Okay, I know I have in the past regaled you with humorous stories of Roomie but this one I do believe takes the cake. We all know he loves to talk in morning – really loudly. Really inanely and really drives me up the wall. He simply does not see dirt in any form and apparently thinks that the 30 pounds of fat that hangs over his belt buckle really gets the girls all twittery.

But today I hear this enormous noise coming from the kitchen and I think he has gotten some sort of high octane burning, super v8 engined blender or something and is mixing up some odd mixture of fish heads, vitamin powder and yoghurt.- and like an accident, I can’t look away. So when I peek around the corner there he is with the vacuum in the kitchen.

I must admit at first I was overjoyed that he was actually vacuuming anything and thought perhaps the furballs left by his giant cat had gotten too big for even him to stand to look at anymore – but no. Not vacuuming up the dirt, the furballs or anything else one usually uses a vacuum for – no, he was vacuuming flies out of the the window. I shit you not. And not only was he vacuuming flies out of the window ledges but he was yammering on about what a brilliant idea it was rather than messing with fly traps. And apparently trying to impress me with his brilliance as well.

Now, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by this, since this is a man who will vacuum his lawn, yet never clean his grill, will dig out his sprinkler heads at ten o’clock at night just cuz it bugs him but only do laundry when he absolutely must, will chide me about bacterial growth if I leave something in a pan for half an hour on the stove, but happily eat rice that stood on the range for 12 hours- so sure, why wouldn’t he vacuum the windows? Seriously, why not?

However, when I suggested he might want to also vacuum all the crud under his feet, the vacuum went off within seconds and has remained in the kitchen ever since. Interesting don’t you think? The mere suggestion that he should use a cleaning apparatus to actually clean something was such a turn off that he had to go watch a movie and eat some chips. Ah, the good life.

Jeez louise!