Respect for Women—Where Reality & Fiction Collide – a Guest Post by EM Bosso

Let’s talk about respect for women and why 33% of college men (which wouldn’t be a large leap to include all men) would commit rape if they wouldn’t get caught. Yes, that’s a real number and I could site the study if someone really wants to see it. The real question shouldn’t be why they would commit rape. The real question should be why is there such a massive disregard and lack of respect for females as fellow humans, equal in all ways?

The disrespect for women in our society is subtle, in most cases, but it affects the views of young men at a deep and subconscious level. It’s in the words we use, the daily interactions we have, and the issues we don’t address. They aren’t meant to be hateful, or abusive, but they are insidious in our views of the female population. As an example, when a boy, or a man, is considered weak by other males we call them a pussy, or tell them to “quit being a girl”. If a male cries, he’s told to quit crying like a woman. You have examples of your own, I don’t need to go on. The subtle message to all males is, “women are weak, and men need to be strong.” In that environment, how can a boy grow into a man and respect females as equals? Society, our friends, and frequently our parents have told us that clearly, we are the dominant gender. We are not all equal.

Children see their parents, and watch their interactions, in order to learn the dynamics of a relationship. The words we may use with our kids do not override what they witness. A father that doesn’t appreciate the efforts of his spouse, is dismissive of his wife’s contribution to the family (be it a career, or child-rearing), or dominates the relationship, instead of sharing the successes and struggles of marriage fully, is telling his children, sons and daughters, that the main female influence in their lives is not as important as the main male role-model.

Guess who sees the disregard, subtle insults, verbal abuse, and emotional damage? Our children. They are learning from our actions and interactions far more than our words. They see, and hear, their father subtly mocking their mother. The see, and hear, their mothers struggling to keep a family together, both physically and emotionally.

These aren’t evil people or bad parents. They aren’t violent, or abusive, in the standard sense. In fact, if you asked the spouse, you would be told that everything is fine, their partner is a good, kind, and loving person. I’m sure they probably are, yet the nature of our society accepts putting woman in the subservient role at every level of civilization: from the workforce to marriage and relationships. Until that changes, and it needs to change in the home during the formative years of a child’s life, women will continue to be disrespected, dehumanized, and otherwise be treated as “less” than men.

Imagine how different the world would be if children were witness to parents that sat down and discussed life, dreams, plans, successes, and failures in an open and honest manner. Imagine, if young boys saw their fathers looking to their wives for emotional support and offering the same in her time of need, in a healthy and loving way. What would life be like if every child was raised to see their parents as equal partners in life progressing towards common goals? How different would the world be if we simply respected each other’s words and opinions, thoughts and desires, dreams and goals, as equal and worthy as our own?

If that was the world we lived in, I would imagine FBoM would never have needed to be written.

BIO:  EM Bosso writes novels, blog posts, and articles about the interactions between males and females, both healthy and supremely unhealthy relationships. His series SMAFU (Situation Married All Fucked Up) deals with marriage, divorce, and reconciliations. His FBoM series (Foundation for the Betterment of Mankind) deals with the darker topics of Rape, Abuse, Gaslighting, and the dangers of a vengeance.  If you are interested in learning more about EM BOSSO, please visit his website To learn more about his books you can visit his Amazon page or Kobo.


Women – Theme Friday

How are women different from men?

Women listen
Women cooperate
and see the future through their children
but themselves through their men

We celebrate the small victories
a flower erupted from seed and sunshine
a full tank of gas
a coffee shared with a friend
good hair days
steak on sale
perfect weather on picnic day

We mourn our insecurities
and hide our imperfections
We crave love we feel
we don’t deserve
we always think other women are better
or stronger
or prettier
or happier
but we know they are not

We want to be looked at
but wonder why anyone does
always suspecting
we trail toilet paper on our shoes
or have busted a seam

We want acceptance
but cannot accept ourselves
We feel joy
by being seen
heard and appreciated

We know one another
through our shared experiences
we are mothers, daughters and sisters
confidants, comrades and co-conspirators

We are not from Venus
but from ourselves
from intuition, gentle touch
and tender care

We are not a secret
but an open book
of stories we long to tell
to anyone who
wants to know us

copyright 2010

What women does Christine know?
Clancy Jane’s women meet here

The Blessings and Traps of Motherhood – by cA Hughes

Hi, I am christine of All the Elbows and Annie asked me to do a guest post for her and I thought this would be an interesting topic:

I am not a fan of Britney Spears. The few times I’ve heard her “music” I felt like committing suicide on my ears. And generally speaking, I am not a fan of celebrity, its gossip and so on. But I can’t help knowing some of it. Cruising the internets is a guarantee to come across a headline or twenty. Also there are those who are into it that I talk to, who will share their knowledge of the famous with me. The place in my brain where something meaningful should probably be, like the square root of a large number, the birthday of someone important or the secret to life, is the news of Kevin Federline being awarded custody of the sons he fathered with “pop tart” Britney Spears. (My understanding of quantum physics should be where pop tart is, damn its!)

What I noticed right away when I saw the headline is that even though Spears has had the required and pandemic makeover and looks “good” again, several stories covering this court decision had an old or utterly unflattering image of her accompanying the article. I was struck by this tactic and it got me thinking about Mothers, Motherhood, Womanhood and how women, though moving forward outwardly and economically and sexually, are still held to the archaic standard of what women should be as Mothers in the eyes of our society.

The fact that a Mother loses or relinquishes custody of her kids is, apparently, unforgivable, a mystery . As a Mother, a Woman is expected to provide, or oversee, the primary care of children in the home, and anything other than that is perplexing, disdainful, bringing harsh judgement and outrage. Even I question such a Mother- How could she? What kind of woman doesn’t want her kids?

Fathers do it all the time. Fathers can still be good Men and good Fathers even if they only have limited custody of their children, weekend visits and holidays.

Look at the following image:

Britney Spears looks, well, not her best. A little sloppy for a Woman trying to get custody of her sons. Now I’m sure this is not how she looked on the day the case was settled, she has been made-over, I wouldn’t know for sure, but I think that such trickery does damage to our ideas of Women as Mothers and reinforces the idea that Mothers as secondary or peripheral caregivers are ugly, sloppy, unworthy.

See how Kevin Federline, who was given primary custody, is shown as dapper, in a suit…

I am a mother. I love my children very much and I enjoy being their mom, but there is no other job/position/calling under such strict scrutiny while also being gravely undervalued as a most important role in our society. For those who chose and are able to remain home with children, it is a blessing to a family, the children and eventually our society. Yet, for these same Women, there is the idea of being uninteresting as individuals, people. It seems that on some deep level, they are regarded as Mothers instead of individuals- like these two concepts are mutually exclusive. Because Mothers are supposed to be completely fulfilled as people by mothering rather than mothering being part of what fulfills them. Suddenly, they are defined solely by their care of the children/family rather than their wit, humor, intelligence outside of how these are applied to their Mothering.

Fathers also play an integral role in the raising of well-adjusted children, but somehow are given more slack in how involved they are in the time, emotion and energy spent in the process.

My question is why? Why are Mothers held to this rigid standard? Why are they judged much more harshly for being the visiting parent when custody situations like this occur? Are stay-at-home Dads held to this same standard? (I think they get it worse. It’s almost automatic to assume that the Man is “lazy” because only a lazy man’d want to stay at home and do nothing all day like us Women…) What do you think?

(thanks, christine – I loved this and think my readers will too.)

Don't Swoon For Me Argentina

You know, of late, I’ve noticed a disturbing sexist pattern of behavior in some readers of blogs I visit. Swooning, crying and apparently, in some cases, fainting. Pass the smelling salts, will you? Said swooning and likewise super girlie behavior can usually be found on the blogs of men. Hence the sexist aspect of this widespread epidemic. And frankly, this has me a little flooped out.

I mean, what am I, chopped liver? Yes, it’s true, I’m jealous and feel more than a little left out. There is nothing more disheartening than visiting one of my buddies blogs only to see an inordinate amount of female commenters, swooning, moaning and fanning themselves. It’s just not fair.

I don’t get any boy readers over here, clutching their hankies and dabbing at their tears (while silently vowing their undying love for me) reading my posts. No, usually it’s “Great post, WC” a smack upside the head and they’re off. What’s up with that? Seriously, why is it the guys get all the good lovin’ in the blog world? Have you ever wondered about that, ladies? Haven’t you ever sat back and thought, “Gee, I wish somebody would come and whimper over some of my good stuff!” (Not to mention a couple of tear stained emails.) And then stamp your foot in dismay, whilst smoothing out your pinafore?

Barring nude and alluring photos of ourselves on every blog post, how are we supposed to get some of that good lovin’ like the guys get – and in copious amounts, I might add? Does having some ‘junk’ in the box (as it were) automatically transcend the reader into a quivering mass of emotional jelly? Can pheramones actually exude through a computer monitor? Does three day stubble make all the difference? Cuz I can do that, just not on my face.

Or is it simply the nature of men and women? That despite all of our evolutionary advances, high tech, equal rights, women’s rights, the new age, global warming and the Constitution, girls are still girls and boys are still boys and ne’er the twain shall meet? As simple as girls cry and emote and men scratch themselves in public and grunt their approval? Can men only safely express their emotions during the SuperBowl and gut-wrenching sex? Or are they just holding out on us? Lapping up the love but not so much as giving out a batting eyelash?

Seriously, what’s a girl blogger gotta do to get some of that lovely, weepy, swoony bloggie love? And oh yeah, I demand a recount. 😉