Let’s talk about respect for women and why 33% of college men (which wouldn’t be a large leap to include all men) would commit rape if they wouldn’t get caught. Yes, that’s a real number and I could site the study if someone really wants to see it. The real question shouldn’t be why they would commit rape. The real question should be why is there such a massive disregard and lack of respect for females as fellow humans, equal in all ways?
The disrespect for women in our society is subtle, in most cases, but it affects the views of young men at a deep and subconscious level. It’s in the words we use, the daily interactions we have, and the issues we don’t address. They aren’t meant to be hateful, or abusive, but they are insidious in our views of the female population. As an example, when a boy, or a man, is considered weak by other males we call them a pussy, or tell them to “quit being a girl”. If a male cries, he’s told to quit crying like a woman. You have examples of your own, I don’t need to go on. The subtle message to all males is, “women are weak, and men need to be strong.” In that environment, how can a boy grow into a man and respect females as equals? Society, our friends, and frequently our parents have told us that clearly, we are the dominant gender. We are not all equal.
Children see their parents, and watch their interactions, in order to learn the dynamics of a relationship. The words we may use with our kids do not override what they witness. A father that doesn’t appreciate the efforts of his spouse, is dismissive of his wife’s contribution to the family (be it a career, or child-rearing), or dominates the relationship, instead of sharing the successes and struggles of marriage fully, is telling his children, sons and daughters, that the main female influence in their lives is not as important as the main male role-model.
Guess who sees the disregard, subtle insults, verbal abuse, and emotional damage? Our children. They are learning from our actions and interactions far more than our words. They see, and hear, their father subtly mocking their mother. The see, and hear, their mothers struggling to keep a family together, both physically and emotionally.
These aren’t evil people or bad parents. They aren’t violent, or abusive, in the standard sense. In fact, if you asked the spouse, you would be told that everything is fine, their partner is a good, kind, and loving person. I’m sure they probably are, yet the nature of our society accepts putting woman in the subservient role at every level of civilization: from the workforce to marriage and relationships. Until that changes, and it needs to change in the home during the formative years of a child’s life, women will continue to be disrespected, dehumanized, and otherwise be treated as “less” than men.
Imagine how different the world would be if children were witness to parents that sat down and discussed life, dreams, plans, successes, and failures in an open and honest manner. Imagine, if young boys saw their fathers looking to their wives for emotional support and offering the same in her time of need, in a healthy and loving way. What would life be like if every child was raised to see their parents as equal partners in life progressing towards common goals? How different would the world be if we simply respected each other’s words and opinions, thoughts and desires, dreams and goals, as equal and worthy as our own?
If that was the world we lived in, I would imagine FBoM would never have needed to be written.
BIO: EM Bosso writes novels, blog posts, and articles about the interactions between males and females, both healthy and supremely unhealthy relationships. His series SMAFU (Situation Married All Fucked Up) deals with marriage, divorce, and reconciliations. His FBoM series (Foundation for the Betterment of Mankind) deals with the darker topics of Rape, Abuse, Gaslighting, and the dangers of a vengeance. If you are interested in learning more about EM BOSSO, please visit his website. To learn more about his books you can visit his Amazon page or Kobo.
Anita Rodgers Mystery Writer 