Idious Maximus

We’ve all encountered idiots during our daily lives, like the fellow who makes a left hand turn from the right lane – the bicyclist who runs a stop sign then expects cars to follow behind him as he travails the center of the lane going 12 m.p.h., the woman who wants to know if Micky D’s uses all organic products in their foods, etc. But sometimes, we encounter the special idiot. The one whose actions are so beyond the pale our jaws hit the floor and keep on going. A friend me a list of just that thing:

IDIOT SIGHTING #1 : Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.”
We haven’t used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING #2 : I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: “Too many
deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”
From Kingman , KS
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE #3 : My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef?
Yep… From Kansas City!
IDIOT SIGHTING! #4 : I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”
Happened in Birmingham, Alabama
IDIOT SIGHTING #5 : The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING #6 : At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker:
She was leaving the company due to “downsizing.” Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a group at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING #7 : I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING #8 : When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “Its open!” His reply, “I know – I already got that side.”
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi !

How’s about you? What is the most idiotic thing you’ve seen lately?


17 thoughts on “Idious Maximus

  1. This one happened to me a while ago. I used to go to a very multicultural elementary school. The teacher was discussing gym finals, which she knew that the foreign kids wouldn’t understand. In the interest of sending them to their ESL teachers, she announced to the class “If you don’t speak English, come see me.”

    LOL DT. It reminds me of one of my favorite signs: “Illiterate? Learn to read, call here.”


  2. When I was looking my reflection on a sporty car window [the car was in the parking lot], then the window suddenly was opened by the driver.

    I had no idea there was a driver inside =) silly me

    Oh my gosh, what did you do? Wave? Wink? Smiile? Pee your pants? LOL – I probably would have done all four.


  3. Oh my. Love the last one.

    When we were dating, my husband once locked the keys in the car while it was running. Pretty upset, he called me to come home to unlock the car door for him so he could get the keys out, because I had the extra remote.

    When I got there, after racing traffic and leaving work early in the middle of a project, he was pacing, sweating like the car was about to explode. Very stressed out.

    Until I reached in the back window, pulled up the front door lock, and opened the door.

    Um, yeah. I married him anyway. πŸ™‚

    Wow. Like they say, behind every great man is a woman who can spot a backdoor lock at a 100 paces. πŸ˜†


  4. Numbers four, six and eight.

    i pull sixes all the time. There was one recently but it is so terrible, i can’t bare to repeat it here. Keep in mind that i’ve never claimed to not be an idiot.

    i am constantly losing my glasses. I often accuse the people in my home of moving them from where i put them. They let me, with smirks on their faces, because either i have them on already or they’re pushed back on my head. 😦

    Oh dear Chica,
    sounds serious. πŸ˜‰

    You reminded me of my mom with your glasses story. My mom would constantly misplace her pink comb. It was a special comb that she ordered special from some special comb place and my gosh when she couldn’t find it, you’d have thought Zeuz had been starting up WWIII. In the end she always found it, on the floor, in her purse, on the sink. Now see, you don’t feel so bad about your glasses, do you? πŸ˜‰


  5. Hi WC,

    While I had no personal contact with the idiot mentioned in the following story, I feel it is of sufficient idiotness to be included.

    On one visit to my doctor not that long ago, he had a shortage of patients, giving us a chance to chat. We started swapping stories of stupid people we had met, and he beat me hands down with this one.

    That would be his patient who was totally convinced that she was allergic to mm. That, by the way, is the abbreviation for millimeters, which is a unit of measurement. Thus, this woman refused to take any medication that had the dosage listed in mm. My wise physician finally had to call her pharmacist and direct them to remove any reference to “mm” from her medications.

    I still come close to wetting myself when I think of that one πŸ™‚

    the Grit

    Hi Grit,
    Since I work in a doc’s office, I am all too familiar with people’s phobias and misunderstandings of the things in meds. Sounds like she could have used a week in the country without any stress or noise. πŸ˜‰


  6. I’ve also had a #6 moment at the grocery store when my son was a brand new infant. I put in in his infant seat in the car, loaded the groceries in the trunk, then realized I’d locked my keys in the car with him in it. It was summer in TX, 100 degrees in the shade and I was a new mom. I burst into tears in the parking lot, ran into the store, frantically blurted out my story to everyone who I saw – they all raced out to the car with me, and one of the bag boys reached into the open passenger side window and unlocked the door. Duh.

    My mother called tonight, relieved to know that she could access her email when she goes to France next month. “It’s not called the WORLD WIDE web for nothing mother” I told her.

    Hey OB,
    I think you should get a pass on that one – since your infant child was involved and your panic was totally understandable. πŸ˜‰


  7. Sorry I don’t gotta funny. Indulge me for a second.

    Folks I am/was a trucker and nothing scares the crap out of me more than seeing (sorry if this applies to anyone here) the mass of idiots that tailgate 18 wheelers.

    It is true if you can’t see my mirrors I can’t see you and you are following to damn close at highway speeds . I have seen many cars extricated from the ass end of 18 wheelers because they could not stop fast enough to avoid the collision. I have been flagged down because some clown ran into me and I did not know it.

    Puhlease folks I know it is hard to do even in slow traffic but leave groups of space between you and me. Please.

    Sorry for being a downer on a funny thread.

    Oh Squawky, you’re never a downer. And you make a good point. I noticed both times when I drove cross country that some drivers were sticking way too close to truckers and I found myself praying for them. πŸ˜‰ Good advice. Hope somebody takes it.


  8. I had an LSU geology senior summer interning for me at Amoco. we were plotting seismic lines. She had a yard long straight edge and she complained to me it was too short

    I said, (jokingly) flip it over – use the other side

    To my astonishment she did

    Hi Eric!
    I have to say if I was handing out prizes, this story would have won. I really howled when I read this. I’m telling you that higher education is surely worth the money, isn’t it? πŸ˜†


  9. Okay, I have nothing to add at this time but I could SO see myself pulling a number 6 just like chughes and now I really want to know what she has done. C’mon, tell us!

    We all pull number 6’s, doncha think? Well, if Christine wants to tell you her story, she is more than welcome to do so here. We’ll let her decide.


  10. I remember a power engineer unable to get his radio to work, so he asked me to pass it on to a friend, who was a very good electrician. I eventually gave it back with tongue in cheek:
    ‘He’s changed the fuse.’

    But seriously, wouldn’t life be dull if we were all sensible – never did anything stupid?
    I doubt if we’d even be human.

    It’s always the big brains, isn’t it? πŸ˜‰
    True, we all have our foibles and would probably be less interesting without them.


  11. I can assure you, the deer that jumped out in front of my car last summer was not heeding any Deer Crossing signs.

    Maybe he lost his glasses? πŸ˜‰


  12. IDIOT sighting in Toronto to!!!!
    As soon as I look at my pocket mirror I see a huge one!
    Have been working on the same training document for 7 days straight and I can tell you, my brain is completely fried. Could have written a novel in those hours, ….and I have the whole weekend to get this PoS done by Monday.
    Sorry, just had to vent…. and drink #28 would be just about perfect πŸ˜‰

    Nah, you’re not an idiot, just overworked. I have a pitcher of margaritas waiting on the patio. Come on over. πŸ˜‰


  13. OH #4!!!! Like when they still don’t realize that they are an idiot, and you have to drop it because well, what’s the point. …..these are too much!!!

    Yeah, I loved the response – ‘that’s why we ask’ I assume this was delivered with a wink and a knowing nod.


  14. LoL WC, I just reread my comment. Totally not what I meant. I understand your email, now.

    ; )

    Love you as usual!


    LOL, that’s more like it.


  15. Oi, I work in IT service and get to experience my share of these doozies. But I get consistently good marks from people who leave comments such as: “He kept a good humor going so I didn’t feel like such an idiot” (actual quote, pretty much).

    I just know I’ve done so many things myself I can laugh when I hear or read of them again.

    He kept a good humor going – wow, that almost sounds like you were the ice cream man. πŸ˜†


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