We’ve all gotten them, haven’t we? The really strange inexplicable gift almost always from someone we believe knows and understands us. When we open it and are clearly flummoxed by whatever has crawled out of the box the bestower wears the widest of grins, positively delighted to have bestowed such a gem upon a dear friend or loved one, right?
While I have gotten some pretty weird gifts in my day and many of them from family members (which sort of explains it, since your family often doesn’t really understand you, right?) the weirdest one was from the Schpritzes. That’s not really their name but it will suffice. It was way back when, easily 15 or 20 years ago when I was really into giving everyone I ever met a Christmas gift, which was quite fortunate for the recipients on my list but apparently not so much for me.
The Schpritzes were comprised of mamaT, babyT and papaB. mamaT had told me that her favorite book ever was a Tale of Two Cities by Dickens – that she read it at least once a year but never had gotten a good copy of the book (read: expensive), her little girl, adorable babyT was at that time into a series of books about a french elephant as I recall and they were quite expensive too as I also recall, papaB wasn’t so picky but did like nice wine. So I preceded to comb the city for a leater bound edition of Tale of Two Cities, which by the by was not easy to find, who knew? The french elephant storybooks were also an unusual and difficult item to lay my hands on but eventually I did indeed find a copy of one that babyT had not read (or should I say read to her) yet and for papaB a bottle of white wine – Pouilly Fuissé (pronounced Pooie Fooyay or something like that) which was quite nice.
Eventually Christmas day rolled around and I was quite excited about the gifts I had gone to great lengths to find and knew would thrill and delight their recipients – I was a guest at their Christmas feast and could hardly contain myself whilst waiting for gift opening time. Finally after food, clean up and a not so rousing game of Trivial Pursuit, it was time to open the gifts. mamaT was mildly impressed with her book, babyT seemed to think her book was for teething and papaB immediately suggested opening wine, which I was all for. Then came my gift. I was very excited by the silver Saks box and beautiful blue and silver bow, the elegant dove grey & scented tissue paper and then…out popped the ugliest fucking hat I’d ever seen in my life. It was knit hat and fur hat, clearly it was two hats in one. The knit part was a varigated turquoise and black and the (fake) fur was a black 4 inch band formed all around the bottom. The shape on the crown was a bit odd and stood up and honestly when I put it on, I felt like a Russian cossock. I put it on and immediately started laughing and making jokes – but to my surprise the Shpritzes were not laughing they quite honestly felt it was the perfect gift for me. In mamaT’s words, ‘we thought it matched your eyes’ (yeah if I had two shiners and lived in a cartoon it matched my eyes).
So it was after this that I realized it was not smart to bestow gifts on everyone at Christmas, probably just the people you really knew and who knew you and at least could go to your wish list at Amazon.com. What about you, what was your worst gift ever?
These aren’t the hat, but they are somewhere in the neighborhood.