The Weirdest Christmas Gift…

elf

We’ve all gotten them, haven’t we? The really strange inexplicable gift almost always from someone we believe knows and understands us. When we open it and are clearly flummoxed by whatever has crawled out of the box the bestower wears the widest of grins, positively delighted to have bestowed such a gem upon a dear friend or loved one, right?

While I have gotten some pretty weird gifts in my day and many of them from family members (which sort of explains it, since your family often doesn’t really understand you, right?) the weirdest one was from the Schpritzes. That’s not really their name but it will suffice. It was way back when, easily 15 or 20 years ago when I was really into giving everyone I ever met a Christmas gift, which was quite fortunate for the recipients on my list but apparently not so much for me.

The Schpritzes were comprised of mamaT, babyT and papaB. mamaT had told me that her favorite book ever was a Tale of Two Cities by Dickens – that she read it at least once a year but never had gotten a good copy of the book (read: expensive), her little girl, adorable babyT was at that time into a series of books about a french elephant as I recall and they were quite expensive too as I also recall, papaB wasn’t so picky but did like nice wine. So I preceded to comb the city for a leater bound edition of Tale of Two Cities, which by the by was not easy to find, who knew? The french elephant storybooks were also an unusual and difficult item to lay my hands on but eventually I did indeed find a copy of one that babyT had not read (or should I say read to her) yet and for papaB a bottle of white wine – Pouilly FuissΓ© (pronounced Pooie Fooyay or something like that) which was quite nice.

Eventually Christmas day rolled around and I was quite excited about the gifts I had gone to great lengths to find and knew would thrill and delight their recipients – I was a guest at their Christmas feast and could hardly contain myself whilst waiting for gift opening time. Finally after food, clean up and a not so rousing game of Trivial Pursuit, it was time to open the gifts. mamaT was mildly impressed with her book, babyT seemed to think her book was for teething and papaB immediately suggested opening wine, which I was all for. Then came my gift. I was very excited by the silver Saks box and beautiful blue and silver bow, the elegant dove grey & scented tissue paper and then…out popped the ugliest fucking hat I’d ever seen in my life. It was knit hat and fur hat, clearly it was two hats in one. The knit part was a varigated turquoise and black and the (fake) fur was a black 4 inch band formed all around the bottom. The shape on the crown was a bit odd and stood up and honestly when I put it on, I felt like a Russian cossock. I put it on and immediately started laughing and making jokes – but to my surprise the Shpritzes were not laughing they quite honestly felt it was the perfect gift for me. In mamaT’s words, ‘we thought it matched your eyes’ (yeah if I had two shiners and lived in a cartoon it matched my eyes).

So it was after this that I realized it was not smart to bestow gifts on everyone at Christmas, probably just the people you really knew and who knew you and at least could go to your wish list at Amazon.com. What about you, what was your worst gift ever?

These aren’t the hat, but they are somewhere in the neighborhood.

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14 thoughts on “The Weirdest Christmas Gift…

  1. My lovely wonderful awesome mother-in-law gets me the saddest (to me) gifts and I always feel horrible. It’s always a big dilemma how to give her a list of what I want (she insists) because it just feels wrong to give her an EXACT list (by that I mean an L.L.Bean sweater please NOT one found in a gutter somewhere) and I always dread it so. I once gave her a list with many choices thinking she could easily pick a few small items and all will be well. She still managed to get me the whole list, and was able to spread out her cash to cover it and thus, everything I got must have been found at at the lamest second hand shop ever and it was all just crap. again, I felt horrible. I feel ungrateful just typing this. ugh. I adore her but we have totally different ideas of what is tasteful, elegant, ‘nice’. She is thrilled abt how much qty she can get for how little and I’d rather spend $50 on one good something.

    We are finally at a point where we don’t exchange anything. “Your presence is our present!”

    LOL C – sorry it is sad but also funny. Yes, I have/had a similar problem with a family member. No matter what I asked for they would find the gaudiest, most hideous version of that thing (like a sweater for example) that existed on the planet. Now it’s just about gift certs from favorite stores…that might help where you’re concerned, eh?

    Annie

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  2. oh, and I would LOVE to see that hat! I love hats.

    I guess I’m going to start loving them with here winter weather I’m living in now… I posted a couple of samples that aren’t really it but are in the same sort of genre. πŸ˜‰
    Annie

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  3. When I was under ten years old, my grandmother always, always, always gave me pajamas. I felt like Ralphie. Remember his bunny jammies? Ugghh!

    I know, that’s like the aunt who every year for Christmas and your birthday gives you the multipack of underpants and multipack of socks. Like they just never got over the depression or something. πŸ˜†
    Annie

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  4. Hi Annie,

    Giving weird gifts is our specialty. One year we gave everyone deelie bobbers (fake space alien antenna,) a large potato, and a potato gun. The potato gun, by the way, fire tiny pieces of potato without enough velocity to cause any damage, which can make for a fun, and messy, shootout in the living room.

    the Grit

    Hey Grit,
    Well those gifts sound like fun and are obviously for fun – I wouldn’t mind a potato gun myself. It’s the ones that are supposed to be ‘real’?? and are funky that turn out oh so weird. πŸ˜‰
    Annie

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  5. My mother-in-law, bless her common sense-less heart, knew that I loved handbags (ie. like Coach or Prada) and also knew I loved Yorkshire Terriers (ie. live ones…), so it seemed inevitable that I would simply adore something that combined both of these wondrous things.

    And I was given a hideous brown handbag with the crocheted image of a Yorkie…

    I often threaten my friends with me re-gifting this atrocity, and I only bring it out of the closet to have a good laugh or to show people what I don’t want for Christmas – “not this.”

    Oh my gosh, MJ – that is like movie of the week nightmare scenario gift. You poor thing. I’m so sorry. πŸ˜‰
    Annie

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  6. One year my Aunt and Uncle gave us (Mum, Dad, my 2 brothers and I) a family present. It was a small exercise trampoline. Not sure what they were trying to tell us. They were very upset when they found out that we were using it as the dog’s bed. He loved it πŸ™‚

    Hey Gem!
    Yes, don’t you love those ‘family’ gifts? In our house it was usually some form of inedible fruit cake or strange sweets that someone dug out of a time machine vault or something. I bet your doggie did love that trampoline, just the right amount of give, eh? πŸ˜‰
    Annie

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  7. I had an ‘as seen on TV’ Christmas one year. I was pissed in all the shit that I got there was not one Pocket Fisherman or Amazing Moulee. Although I did use the Bloomin’ Onion maker a time or two.

    Jeez was that intentional or did it just work out that way? πŸ˜† My favorite from that crap is the salad spinner – I mean how lazy to do you have to be to need a machine to dry your lettuce? What is an Amazing Moulee? Never heard of that one.
    Annie

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  8. This is an issue I have with Christmas gift giving. We give and get gifts often that we did not want or need or in your case even like. Give of yourself, give love and warmth and that will be the best gift of all.

    You know, Mark, I really do like that sentiment…I really do….but I also like stuff. I admit it, I’m a stuff junkie. I guess it’s like television – occasionally you find a good show with some redeeming qualities but mostly it’s just junk. Know what I mean? πŸ™‚
    Annie

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  9. “In mamaT’s words, β€˜we thought it matched your eyes’ (yeah if I had two shiners and lived in a cartoon it matched my eyes).” Oh, that’s hilarious! You got screwed on that deal πŸ˜‰ Annie, this had me rolling!

    Hey Bella,
    I wondered if anyone noticed that line – lol. Glad it made you laugh. The sad thing is that it was also pretty close to the truth. LOL.
    Annie

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  10. My grandmother had 18 grandchildren.

    She was the kind of woman who knit dolls with large skirts to serve as toliet paper covers. She wore large red beads on her wrists and neck, and had absolutely no problem with regifting…usually by taking a gift she’d already given you from your house and then giving to one of the other 18 grandchildren.

    When I was about 13 (late 80’s/early 90’s), my grandmother gave me a Betty Boop sweatshirt dress.

    A dress. Made out of a sweatshirt. With Betty Boop splayed across the body.

    I swear to God, that was the worst gift anyone on the eastern seaboard has ever received.

    Hey Jess,
    I wonder if everyone’s grandmother is the same? Or at least one of them. I had a gramma like that. Well she didn’t wear the big red beads cuz she was into Jesus by then but yeah the regifting of stuff she took from your cousin’s house – lol – cripes if that happens to me, you have my permission to shoot me, okay? Hmm, Betty Boop sweatshirt dress – happening baby. πŸ˜†
    Annie

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  11. Just a quick sidenote. I saw this on Animal Planet last night. Persian Cats that get shaved. . .this woman uses the fur to spin thread for knitting and stuff. How about a kitty purse or blanket. Hummm. Just hope you’re not allergic to cats.

    Oh lord! Can you imagine? A dander blanket. Oh yeah, just what the man/woman who has everything wants, eh? πŸ˜†
    Annie

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  12. It wasn’t a slicer and it wasn’t a dicer. But it cut up vegetables in some mysterious way.

    Ohhhh, maybe I do know what that thing is, I seem to recall that slogan quite well, just can’t quite get the image, eh? πŸ™‚
    Annie

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  13. What a terrible hat!! Oh my word…

    I think my worst gift was from a guy I once dated… I probably shouldn’t describe it, as he might find this in a web search and I don’t like making people angry. πŸ˜‰ Suffice to say, it had no thought (and was not even wrapped!)

    It was the worst hat, ever! Period. End of story. However your story intrigued me and reminded me of a former beau who, no lie, gave me a snickers bar for our last valentine’s day together. Can you fricking believe that? πŸ˜†
    Annie

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