My buddy Teeni has not tagged me for this meme, but I’m doing it anyway.

The Rules:

Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do.
Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
Link back to the person who tagged you. Or don’t.
Tag people you want to tag or skip this step altogether.
If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged or just let them be surprised. Surprises are good.

1. Cell phones, especially the ones that can do everything but your laundry. A phone was meant as a calling/talking device to put you in touch with people who aren’t in your immediate area, not to play music, show movie previews, do your homework or take pictures.

2. People who say, trust me, as soon as they say it, I’m absolutely sure that that is the last thing I should do. Others phrases that you can insert which mean much the same: would I lie to you (yes) who loves you? (my mommy) you can take that to the bank (and they’ll tell me it’s counterfeit, right?) I’ve got it under control (it takes more than a remote, bub)

3. Salesmen who won’t answer the question, How much is it? It’s a simple question and really there should only be one answer, so what is so difficult about answering it? When they don’t answer the question I immediately know the answer is, too much.

4. Soy. Sorry my vegan friends, I just don’t trust it. To me, it’s like flouride – one of those one-size-fits-all things that can do everything from improve your sex life to whiten your teeth. It’s a bean for crying out loud (or maybe it’s a legume, I never did get those two straight), how much can one little bean do? Depending on what study you’re reading, it will shorten your life by ten years or cure cancer. Nope, I just don’t trust that stuff.

5. Paperless offices. I know, I know, I’m a technophobe. I freely admit it. But let me tell you, every ‘paperless’ office I’ve ever worked in was 1) Not really paperless, otherwise we wouldn’t have been buying cases of paper from Office Depot, 2)The paper they felt was unimportant was usually the very thing that the IRS, the state government or OSHA wanted to see and 3) Can you say power outtage? If the transformer blows or you lose your Internet connection you’re screwed. Redundancy is what I’m all about.

6. The guys who show up at your office right around Christmas, dragging duffles of stuff, claiming a truck broke down in the area and they have to unload the stuff today only, cuz the order was cancelled by the original orderer. Now, I’m sure if the truck did break down that these jokers robbed the poor dude while he was changing a flat, otherwise who would trust morons like this with valuable merchandize? And on the odd chance the broken down truck story were true, why would they sell the stuff for 50 cents on the dollar when they could just send another truck to pick up the stuff and take it back to the warehouse?

7. Bloggers (sploggers) who say they accidentally stole your content or that the ghost writer did it. Right, just like my dog ate my homework when I was a kid.

8. Politicians, interest groups, individuals and anyone else who says they can get the government to buy me what I should be buying for myself. Since we as a Republic, are the government. So anytime, somebody sells you on a program, just remember, you and I are paying for it, one way or another it will come out of our paychecks, profits, property or any other thing these dopes can figure out to cyphon from.

9. People who preach to me about changing my lifestyle to save the planet (the whales, the white-assed owl, the booby-gooby tumbleweed or whatever) while they zoom around the planet in their private jets, with their entourages, $500 dinners and $5,000 suits. I say, ‘practice what you preach.’

10. The twofer sale. Now how is it a vendor can sell you two for the price of one unless they’ve been selling it previously for twice what they should? I didn’t fall of the shopper’s truck yesterday you know.

11. The news, newspapers and news magazines. Now way back when, when the 5th Estate began I think there was a good purpose in wanting to let the public know what was going on. These days it’s just more a matter of what will repel and scintillate people. What will enrage or lead astray. It’s gone from the people’s right to know to we’ll tell you what to know.

12. Hot dogs. Have you ever read what the FDA allows in hotdogs? I don’t suggest you check it out or you will never go near another hot dog again. If I want mouse ears and grasshopper legs on a bun, I’ll just go foraging in my backyard.

13. Credit card companies and any government agency. First of all, can anyone really understand their credit card statement? All that fractional math makes my head spin and whenever I call them to have it explained to me I just hang up the phone more confused than I was in the first place. Government agencies – they are staffed with people who are members of the biggest, ironclad union in the world – they can never get fired and they get raises for being there. What makes anyone think they have any interest in doing their jobs?

14. Chain emails, especially the ones that tell you bad luck will befall you if you don’t do as they say. Cripes, at least with old time chain letters, you had the chance to get a few bucks.

15. Multi Level Marketing. Look, after you’ve forced the products on all your friends and family where do you go? You’ll be lucky if the profits end up paying for the dang kit you had to buy.

16. Motivational speakers. Why on earth would I pay a total stranger thousands of dollars for what I can get my mom to do for free? Jeez!

Anyway that’s my list. What’s yours?

Oh and tag yourself if you want.


14 thoughts on “Suspicions

  1. First!

    I am also suspicious of all those things on your list. That’s a really funny meme, and you’ve done it so well, WC. Amelia does suspicious well too, in that cute picture. πŸ˜‰

    I might add the smile (the demon gif) that keeps track of visits to wordpress pages is also suspicious.

    Hey FWM, nice to see you in the comments section. Welcome.

    Ah yes, that weird little gif. What the heck is up with that thing? Tre’s suspicious. πŸ˜†


  2. Dang I love this list!

    I do have a little thing to let you in on with #12 though: kosher hot dogs only allow the front half of a kosher cow (kosher cow = slaughtered humanely and drained of all blood) for human consumption. I think that’s why they taste better. πŸ™‚

    I so must do this meme now…

    Oh and the card? MORE than welcome. What are the furry friends named anyway?

    Hey MS!
    Yeah, I used to eat the kosher dogs for that very reason – but even those aren’t doing my middle aged bod any favors. Oh well, tuna on whole wheat ain’t so bad. πŸ˜‰

    Yes, do the meme, do the meme.

    The other dancing elves are Maggie the dog and Boodie the cat. πŸ˜‰


  3. This may possibly be one of the best lists ever made that started with a picture of a baby.

    As for me, I’m suspicious of only two things: the man, and Al Gore. He’s got all of that wealth an power, he was vice president, he wrote a bestselling book and he’s a movie star, he won the Nobel Peace prize, and there’s an element named after him. How could he NOT be a super villain? His suave smirk just reeks of “Lex Luthor’s illegitimate son.”

    Hey DT, my boy – how you be?

    Yes dah man and Algore are truly suspicion inspiring characters. What element was named for him? Hot air? πŸ˜†


  4. You’ve named many truly suspicious scenarios.
    i can’t even pick a favorite one because they are all shady-mcgrady.

    i’m totally doing this one.

    Hey Chica Chica!
    Oh yeah, shady-mgrady is right. Do the meme, do the meme – it’s lots of fun and good for funny venting. πŸ˜‰


  5. Gosh, my head is spinning just from reading your list. Wow.
    Truth is, I think I get an ‘uncomfy’ feeling with most of the things you’ve mentioned, except one big exception, the ‘save the whales’ comments, I personally went signature hunting and since I’ve never bought or ate a whale product I feel I can preach ‘save the whales’ and I know I can be trusted.
    Motivational speakers are really the new generation priests who were simply tired of not getting paid enough πŸ˜‰ .
    Could write more but have a train to catch, although I am not trusting that we’ll leave on time I still will have to make it there just in case πŸ˜‰ .

    Hey Spaz,
    Otay, I will give you a pass on saving the whales.

    Oooh, bus schedules and train schedules, yes very suspicious and untrustworthy. Hope you didn’t have to run too hard. πŸ˜‰


  6. i can understand the “save the whales” thing. i believe it’s all in the approach.

    i am happy to hear about people’s passions, but i don’t like to be beaten with a recycled bottle. It’s the same with religion. i never mind discussing religion, but i don’t like to be pushed or pressured.

    I hear you, Christine. I hate that being beaten over the head with a recycled bottle or separate trash bins thing. I would never call myself an environmentalist because of the weird, creepy philosophy that seems to go with it – but I do consider myself a conservationist. I recycle, repurpose, utilize, donate instead of dump, nurture plants, do non chemical gardening, etc. but those were all things taught to me by my parents not some self appointed green guru who secretly wants to be a rock star.


  7. OMG – this is awesome! I so should have tagged you with this one. But I’m glad you tagged yourself since the music one didn’t work for you. You deserve a badge for taking initiative! And you hit on lots of things I didn’t even think to mention – credit cards, soy, hot dogs! Goodness. Sorry it took me so long to get over here. But I’m glad I made it! πŸ˜‰

    LOL Teens, now don’t go swelling my head by offering me badges and stuff. I just was jealous that you got the meme first is all. πŸ˜† And no worries, this place is open 24/7 – come by whenever you like. πŸ˜‰


  8. Oh, and I must add how cute that baby photo is. That is one kid who suspects something. LOL.

    I know! You can’t pay to find that kind of candid expression, huh? πŸ™‚


  9. Okay, after this, i won’t say anymore but i just had to totally agree with you. And i somehow knew that’s how it was with you.

    i am a firm believer in being a good steward of the planet because it’s the right thing. i do not wish to be pushed into it by tactics of fear.

    That’s all. i shall bug no more!

    LOL Chica-Chica – you can say all you want. Maybe I was just splitting hairs but I do think there is a distinction between doing something because it’s the right thing and that that desire comes out the fact that one was raised with good values and being a robotic follower of some weird twisted view of the ‘right thing’ as determined by some meglamaniac. Okay, now I’ll shut up too. πŸ˜‰


  10. Hey Annie,
    I dunno if it is suspicious but I hate it when I am in a Jewelry store and the price tags are hidden from my view…yep, it is suspicious!:)

    Oh yeah, that’s suspicious alright. They want you to love it so much that you won’t care how much it costs. And if you ask, then they give you the look. πŸ˜†



  11. Write a list of things of which you are suspicious.

    1. Women in bars with a Harley Davidson tattoo on their neck and a “cold sore” on their lip.

    2. Beautiful women in Brazil with hands larger than mine.

    3. Anyone in a turbin, who upon seeing me in uniform, runs the other way.

    4. Anyone in a $5,000 suit telling me I need to give to help the poor and it’s my fault they are poor. I am poor, give ME money assholes.

    5. Green boogers.

    6. Women.

    7. White guys with dreadlocks

    8. People with the last name Clinton

    9. Young chicks who tell me they “dig” older guys.

    10. Women with hairy arm pits

    11. Any chuckle head waving the “peace sign”

    12. A redneck with more than 4 teeth

    13. Anyone with a Greenpeace bumper sticker

    14. Butterfly’s (what is their real reasons for being so flittery?)

    15. Blog’s that encourage me to write 15 thing’s that make me suspicious.

    Oh yeah, white dudes in dreadlocks very suspicious – and I beg to differ, I never said 15 suspicious things and I really tried not to encourage you. πŸ˜†


  12. Haha! White guys with dredlocks are suspicious! i can’t believe i didn’t include them on my list.

    Ditto – and especially the ones who talk like the come from dah hood. πŸ˜‰


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