Suspicions

My buddy Teeni has not tagged me for this meme, but I’m doing it anyway.

The Rules:

Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do.
Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
Link back to the person who tagged you. Or don’t.
Tag people you want to tag or skip this step altogether.
If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged or just let them be surprised. Surprises are good.

1. Cell phones, especially the ones that can do everything but your laundry. A phone was meant as a calling/talking device to put you in touch with people who aren’t in your immediate area, not to play music, show movie previews, do your homework or take pictures.

2. People who say, trust me, as soon as they say it, I’m absolutely sure that that is the last thing I should do. Others phrases that you can insert which mean much the same: would I lie to you (yes) who loves you? (my mommy) you can take that to the bank (and they’ll tell me it’s counterfeit, right?) I’ve got it under control (it takes more than a remote, bub)

3. Salesmen who won’t answer the question, How much is it? It’s a simple question and really there should only be one answer, so what is so difficult about answering it? When they don’t answer the question I immediately know the answer is, too much.

4. Soy. Sorry my vegan friends, I just don’t trust it. To me, it’s like flouride – one of those one-size-fits-all things that can do everything from improve your sex life to whiten your teeth. It’s a bean for crying out loud (or maybe it’s a legume, I never did get those two straight), how much can one little bean do? Depending on what study you’re reading, it will shorten your life by ten years or cure cancer. Nope, I just don’t trust that stuff.

5. Paperless offices. I know, I know, I’m a technophobe. I freely admit it. But let me tell you, every ‘paperless’ office I’ve ever worked in was 1) Not really paperless, otherwise we wouldn’t have been buying cases of paper from Office Depot, 2)The paper they felt was unimportant was usually the very thing that the IRS, the state government or OSHA wanted to see and 3) Can you say power outtage? If the transformer blows or you lose your Internet connection you’re screwed. Redundancy is what I’m all about.

6. The guys who show up at your office right around Christmas, dragging duffles of stuff, claiming a truck broke down in the area and they have to unload the stuff today only, cuz the order was cancelled by the original orderer. Now, I’m sure if the truck did break down that these jokers robbed the poor dude while he was changing a flat, otherwise who would trust morons like this with valuable merchandize? And on the odd chance the broken down truck story were true, why would they sell the stuff for 50 cents on the dollar when they could just send another truck to pick up the stuff and take it back to the warehouse?

7. Bloggers (sploggers) who say they accidentally stole your content or that the ghost writer did it. Right, just like my dog ate my homework when I was a kid.

8. Politicians, interest groups, individuals and anyone else who says they can get the government to buy me what I should be buying for myself. Since we as a Republic, are the government. So anytime, somebody sells you on a program, just remember, you and I are paying for it, one way or another it will come out of our paychecks, profits, property or any other thing these dopes can figure out to cyphon from.

9. People who preach to me about changing my lifestyle to save the planet (the whales, the white-assed owl, the booby-gooby tumbleweed or whatever) while they zoom around the planet in their private jets, with their entourages, $500 dinners and $5,000 suits. I say, ‘practice what you preach.’

10. The twofer sale. Now how is it a vendor can sell you two for the price of one unless they’ve been selling it previously for twice what they should? I didn’t fall of the shopper’s truck yesterday you know.

11. The news, newspapers and news magazines. Now way back when, when the 5th Estate began I think there was a good purpose in wanting to let the public know what was going on. These days it’s just more a matter of what will repel and scintillate people. What will enrage or lead astray. It’s gone from the people’s right to know to we’ll tell you what to know.

12. Hot dogs. Have you ever read what the FDA allows in hotdogs? I don’t suggest you check it out or you will never go near another hot dog again. If I want mouse ears and grasshopper legs on a bun, I’ll just go foraging in my backyard.

13. Credit card companies and any government agency. First of all, can anyone really understand their credit card statement? All that fractional math makes my head spin and whenever I call them to have it explained to me I just hang up the phone more confused than I was in the first place. Government agencies – they are staffed with people who are members of the biggest, ironclad union in the world – they can never get fired and they get raises for being there. What makes anyone think they have any interest in doing their jobs?

14. Chain emails, especially the ones that tell you bad luck will befall you if you don’t do as they say. Cripes, at least with old time chain letters, you had the chance to get a few bucks.

15. Multi Level Marketing. Look, after you’ve forced the products on all your friends and family where do you go? You’ll be lucky if the profits end up paying for the dang kit you had to buy.

16. Motivational speakers. Why on earth would I pay a total stranger thousands of dollars for what I can get my mom to do for free? Jeez!

Anyway that’s my list. What’s yours?

Oh and tag yourself if you want.

WC