I don’t know about you, but I hate job interviews. They are so unnerving and you always worry about what to do and what not to do. And let’s face it none of us are really ourselves in job interviews because we all know on some level that were we to reveal ourselves the interviewer would run screaming from the room. So, we all put on our interview persona and hope for the best. Following are few tipoffs as to what not to do or say in an interview.
1. Do not smell your armpits as you walk into the interviewer’s office. If you are afraid that you may sweat during the interview, tape maxi pads under your arms before you leave the house.
2. Do not have a friend make a fake emergency cell phone call, just in case the interview is going badly. The chances that the interviewer will believe your dog, Bingo has been run over a truck and you have to go to his aid immediately is not likely to cover up the fact that you couldn’t answer the question, “How much is two plus two?”
3. Do not brush your hair, crack your knuckles or pick your teeth during the interview. This could make the interviewer suspect you are bored.
4. Do not ask for a ride home from the interview after you are finished.
It will make the interviewer worry that you will expect them to carpool you on a regular basis.
5. Do not check your email, text messages or your tunes list on your iPhone while the interviewer is asking you questions. The interviewer may be jealous of the fact that you have an iPhone while they do not.
6. Do not wear the outfit you are going to wearing clubbing after you leave the interview, unless you are interviewing for a pole dancing job.
7. Do not wear black lipstick to the interview, especially if you are a man.
8. Do not answer any of the interviewer’s questions with, “Why do you want to know that?”
9. Do not provide references from your mother, boyfriend or Bill Clinton. No one will believe you know Bill Clinton.
10. Do not badmouth your former boss or co-workers or cite political differences as your reason for leaving your previous job. The interviewer will believe you are too intelligent to hire and will not put up with their oppressive policies and unfair work practices. And your former boss could be one of their drinking buddies.
11. Do not ask questions like: So, you getting any, lately? Cute outfit, where’d you get it? Are there any cute guys to date here? How many paid sick days do I get? Do you guys have free long distance? Can I bum a ciggie from you? Are you single?
While there are many more things I could list, I think this is a good start. Feel free to add to the list.