Why Dead People Should Vote

With the upcoming election looming before us, I started thinking about alternative voting blocs. Ask any poller for a run down of voter profiles and they will rattle off a list of demographics and sub-demographics that is longer than a guest list for a royal wedding. Apparently, there is a demographic for every walk of life and quirky behavior – or is there? I wondered if some voting blocs had been left out in the cold? Dead people came to mind as a seriously under-represented group. Just because someone is dead doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have a voice in who will lead the country over the next four years, does it?

Dead people should be able to vote because:

1. No American should be disenfranchised in the voting process. (No matter how bad their complexion is.)

2. They represent a vast silent majority. (If you exclude the night time banshee-like moaning.)

3. There is currently no lobby for body decay. (Mary Kay? Avon? Anybody?)

4. They don’t care what has happened to the social security and medicare funds and therefore won’t hold it against Congress. (Particularly those running for re-election.)

5. The Republicans need a larger voting bloc. (And besides, the dead will do jobs that living Americans won’t do.)

6. The Democrats need a larger voting bloc. (And besides, the dead will do jobs that living Americans won’t do.)

7. They have gone back to nature and therefore are totally green and should be able to cash in their carbon credits. (Soylent Green is people.)

8. Life has gone on without them and it’s just not fair. (I smell a lawsuit coming on.)

9. Without dead people the whole mortuary business would go belly up. (And do we really need that kind of pressure on the economy right now?)

And finally, and perhaps best reason why dead people should be able to vote is….. (drum roll, please…)

10. They already drive cars and shop at Walmart – and some even have careers on Wall Street and in politics.

As always, feel free to add to the list.

12 thoughts on “Why Dead People Should Vote

  1. That was great. My father up in heaven is totally agreeing with you. He’s just trying to figure out how to cast his vote. I’m sure he’ll come up with a way. I’ll keep you posted. And your number 10 is right on point.

    LOL Joan, maybe he can temporarily possess some young slacker and get his vote in. And number ten is the point. πŸ˜†


  2. This was hilarious.
    Next, you should tackle the newborn-preteen demographic.

    And let us not forget the animals. What about them? πŸ˜‰

    Gee Chica, I don’t know how I’d approach the newborn-preteen demographic – you might be better equipped for that. And I’m pretty sure the animal lobby is covered by PETA – since all of its members have already registered all the animals on earth. πŸ˜‰


  3. Sorry, i accidently double posted.
    But in this nifty editing time period your site offers, i will say again that this was a smart and funny post.

    Well heck, if you’re going to say things like that, then you can triple post. πŸ™‚ Thanks, chicachica



  4. Loved, loved, LOVED it!

    Scary thing is some politician may try your argument!

    LOL Jez, I think they already have. πŸ™„


  5. I’ve given up wondering how on earth you come up with this stuff.

    New, funny, brilliant.

    (And let me know what you smoke, yes?) πŸ˜‰

    That’s probably good for your mental health, Spaz. πŸ˜‰ I don’t know…it just hits me and then I’m off to the races – must be genetic.

    And all I smoke are menthol ciggies – sorry, no special drug – just nicotene and caffeine. :shrug:


  6. This was great!

    Pass me the menthols! I didn’t realize they did the trick! πŸ™‚

    Sure, have one. Apparently menthols are good for something besides discouraging people form bumming a cig (well most of the time). Although, I do think it is the combo of the diet coke, menthol cigs and the smartass gene I inherited from my Dad. πŸ™‚


  7. Hey girlfriend! Where have I been? I thought they were voting..

    I loved #10..and heck, I just liked them all, you brilliant little writer chick!


    Well heck, Ange, somebody has to do the comic relief around here. πŸ˜‰ That last post you did was a stunner.



  8. I loved that!! mix humor with anything and i’ll finally understand it! go me!! πŸ˜€

    Hey Reggie!
    Who knew humor brought about understanding? πŸ˜† Go girl!


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