Ode to the Bots


(apologies to Simon & Garfunkel) 

Hello spamo, my old friend
I’ve come to rub you out again
Because your numbers softly creeping
Sent your bots while I was sleeping
And the garbage that was planted on my blog
really clogs
Within the bounds of comments

In cyber space I walked alone
Virtual streets of big orange cones
‘Neath the halo of my desk lamp
I turned my eyes from the crap you stamp
When my site was stabbed by a flood of a teen delight
That piqued my spite
And breached the bounds of comments

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand spamo’s, maybe more
Hackers talking without speaking
Goobers hearing without listening
Losers sending links that bloggers never share
And who’ve declared
You can’t disturb the bounds of comments

“Pigs,” said I, “You do not know
Askimet will not let the cancer grow
Read my posts that I might teach you
Take the hint so I might reach you”
But my words, like silent cowpies fell
And echoed
In the wells of splogdom.

And the losers bowed and prayed
To the porno gods they made
And the filter flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, “The words of the slimeballs are written on the bathroom walls
And loser’s balls”
And cannot enter the bounds of comments.

14 thoughts on “Ode to the Bots

  1. ROFL! That’s great, Annie. I love it!

    Thanks Kelsey. It was fun to do.

    BTW, haven’t seen a post from you lately – what’s new?


  2. Hi WC, just wanted to let you know that unfortunately I no longer have time to maintain my blog. Please remove me from your blogroll. Thanks for everything. It’s been fun. Great ode.

    Aw Anabel,
    I’m sorry to hear that. Have you just deleted it? Why not keep it up and just post once a week or something?


  3. The accompanying picture is pretty much how I imagine spammers and hackers to look. Except, in my mind, they’re more pale, sloutch, and never make eye contact. And they live in their mother’s basement (though I envy them that last one).

    LOL Puddlehead,
    they probably do sleep in their Ma’s basements. And order pimple cream on the internet too. 😆


  4. Very cute, Chica.
    “But my words, like silent cowpies fell
    And echoed” -Hahahaahaaa!

    LOL Christine,
    You may be the only one who knows what a cowpie is – except for me of course. It’s fun doing parodies. I’ve spent entire afternoons doing them. Years ago, my friend Zelda was doing sales for a company and we wrote a parody of “If I Only Had a Brain” for their annual sales dinner and it was called “If I only Had a Lead” It was a hoot and we spent the day laughing.


  5. Wonderful, kiddo.
    Just wonderful.
    Thanks for the laugh.

    Tanks Mikey.
    Tell me, did you have the music playing in your head while you were reading it? Now, whenever you hear the real song you’ll be singing mine, right? 😆 Glad I made you laugh, buddy.


  6. Luved how you worked in both cowpie and porno gods. True poetry my dear.

    Well I learned from the best, Master…
    Did you notice I threw in ‘teen delight’ as a sort of wicked little bonus? 😆


  7. Oh my! I had just read a beautiful post on another blog about silence and found your blog via that one and I had just written a comment about silence and had that song running through my head as I clicked on your blog here. I was grooving on the “peaceful, easy feelings” and kapow! You got me rolling on the floor here in the cowpies!
    Thanks! I’ll be sure to be back after this.

    Hey Ruby,
    Thanks for visiting my humblel abode. LOL – sorry to have disturbed your silence groove – but sometimes I can’t control myself. 😉


  8. There isn’t a whole lot new in my life. I haven’t written much to post lately, but I’ve still been madly typing away at my computer just as much as always, if not more.
    I’ve been working on a writing/research project for almost a year and I’m nearing the homestretch, so I’ve been devoting a lot more time and energy to it than I had been previously, which is why my blog has begun gathering some dust lately.
    On a sidenote, I think I’m too obsessive to have two blogs. Originally, I’d started my blog because I was too obsessive to keep a paper journal, because there’s no edit button and I’d want to go back and “fix” everything. I’d thought having two blogs would encourage me to write more, but instead I spend more time trying to determine where to post what than I do actually writing.
    I think I’m going to combine both blogs by relocating everything from “A Lighter Look at Moe” to “In the Shadow of His Wings.” Maybe I’ll rename it “Shadow Moe.” It could be my new super, secret superhero identity.
    So, how’s this synopsis that apparently I should be nagging you about coming along? 🙂

    Hey Kelsey,
    I think combining your blogs is a great idea. I look forward to seeing what you do with it. And you’d make a great superhero. 😉

    The synopsis first draft is done. I have some tweaking to do over the weekend and then I guess we’ll see. Wish me luck.


  9. Hi WC
    Loved the poem and got a laugh out of it. Thank goodness for the blocker, I am also getting slammed harder than ever. Wonder what is going on.
    Love your site

    Hi Bill!
    Thanks for dropping by. Glad the Ode gave you a chuckle. I think it must be bot mating season or something – the bot population seems to have grown to crushing numbers. Too bad Scotts doesn’t make a spam killer, eh? 😆


  10. I don’t know why, but reading this gave me the inspiration to build a huge-ass tower of cards.
    Thank you, unintentional sublimal messaging!

    Cool, take a picture when you’re done, I wanna see it. 😆


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