You Know You’ve Gotten Too Fat When…

fat lady

Way back when I wrote this post, “You Know You’ve Gotten too Fat When…” It was very popular (go figure). Due to technical difficulties, among other things, the original post was lost. I try here to recreate it:

You know you’ve gotten too fat when:

1. Your closet is divided into fat clothes and skinny clothes and the skinny clothes are pretty dusty.
2. All your jeans have elastic in the waist and even those you can’t button.
3. The dishes rattle when you walk into the kitchen to get a snack.
4. Your room mate has put a padlock on the fridge and won’t give you the combination.
5. The lady at the airport check in counter gives you two boarding passes – one for you and one for your ass.
6. Your ass has its own zip code
7. When you attend dinner parties, the hostess always waits until you leave the table to offer seconds.
8. Your nickname is Godzilla
9. Cleveland won’t allow you entrance anymore because they are afraid you will eat it.
10. You’re ambidexterous – also known as a two-fisted eater.
11. Your ‘baby fat’ could supply enough fat for ten babies.
12. As soon as you get into your car it becomes an instant ‘low rider.’
13. At the last 5K run you registered 2.5 on the Richter Scale.
14. When you wear your yellow dress, people mistake you for a school bus.
15. The employees at Home Town Buffet cringe when you walk in the door because they know they don’t have enough food.
16. You’re on the McDonald’s ‘watch list.’

As usual, feel free to add to the list.

Writer Chick

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20 thoughts on “You Know You’ve Gotten Too Fat When…

  1. Too many of these are hitting a little too close to home as I’m reaching my “highest ever by myself” weight (meaning, no baby on board to blame it on ;-). I love my sweats! Jeans with enough spandex in them so I can sit and breathe at the same time are also pretty darn cool. While I’m at it, lets add to the list: Still wearing maternity underware even though your last baby was 5 1/2 years ago.

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KTOO, you as always, just tell it like it is. I swear I couldn’t hardly breathe I laughed so hard at this.
    WC

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  2. The Gentleman from Texas will yeild the balance of his time to whomever wants it. 🙂
    Mrs. Squawk reads this blog too. 😉

    LOL Squawky! The gentlemen from Texas time has been so yielded! I’m flattered that Mrs Squawky reads too! Tell her not to be shy and say what’s on her mind. I’d love to hear.
    WC

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  3. You know you’re (shall we say) ‘past your prime’ when every friggin pair of jeans you own or even try to buy, are what are maddenly referred to as “MOM JEANS”…I don’t wanna wear Mom Jeans!!!

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom Jeans! I havent’ heard that phrase for a while – but yoiks it sure doesn’t conjure up a sexy image now does it? But maybe that’s how they ought to size things from now on. It would make it easier don’t you think?

    Gramma Jeans
    Mom Jeans’
    Yuppy Jeans
    Nanny Jeans
    Teen Jeans
    Tween Jeans
    Kid Jeans
    Toddler Jeans
    Baby Jeans
    Anorexic Jeans

    in that order…. 😉
    WC

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  4. You know midlife has arrived and your skinny days are long gone when you are shocked at seeing how the back of your body looks in the mirror. You can convince yourself the front view is okay, and maybe the side view is passable if you suck in your stomach really hard, but when you see yourself from behind with those new rolls of fat around your waist and the big fat ass…it definitely puts you over the edge. And never seeing yourself from behind unless two mirrors are set just right, it can be a rude awakening! That view launched me into my current diet which has gone on for four months now.
    You know you’re fat when you see the weight loss ads on TV talking about losing weight to return to a size 4. Size 4? I think I was 9 years old when I wore a size 4. Now who are we kidding here? Size 4 is never gonna happen.
    ~ PG

    Oh PG! Not the rear view! We can’t even go there. It’s too tragic to even think about.

    Size 4????!!!!! They’ve got to be kidding. Of course there are many girls out there proud to be a size zero these days. Can you imagine a woman aspiring to be a size zero. Something about that is so disturbing. It’s like wishing to not exist.

    I guess you and I will have to compare diet notes in a couple months – especially since Zelda’s Christmas Eve bash is not that far off. Oy!
    WC

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  5. I can’t add to this…but I can relate to a few of them!! Too funny..
    Cheers, Kelly

    From your pics I’d say you were a bit of a stringbean…so I regard your comments with a bit of suspicion. LOL. How did you like my picture? Nice, eh? I particularly like my boa – festive for a Sunday. hehe
    WC

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  6. Hey, I think you forgot a pair in your list…how ’bout…I WANNA BE SEXY, BUT MY FAT ASS WON’T COMPLY jeans?

    That would be a really big label – but my ass could handle it. lol. 😉
    WC

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  7. Ouch.
    I guess I’ll add a few:
    You’re too fat when:
    *Your favorite cracker is Wheat Thicks
    *The back of your neck looks like a package of hot dogs
    *Your new nickname is “Damn”
    *Kids throw snowballs at you and instead of hitting you they go into orbit around you
    * There’s small, large, really large, enormous and then there’s your size (pick a name)
    I’ll stop there.
    Very funny post.
    ~m

    LOL. Well then just call me Damn Writer Chick, then. 😉
    WC

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  8. Well yeah stringbean may be the appropriate term now, and part of the reason for my going to the gym is to put on some healthy weight, however being 5 foot nothing and size 14-16 at one stage, I can indeed relate 🙂
    Kelly

    Apologies and I stand corrected. You were a sister in cellulite and I’d no idea. Okay, I won’t send you to the firing squad. 😉 LOL.
    WC

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  9. here’s the secret to weight loss:
    everything you love, you can’t have, you WILL be hungry, and most importantly, you MUST exercise at least 3 to 4 times aweek, and no that does not include channel surfing or walking to the fridge…
    so basically, it really really sucks…but that’s just the way it is!!
    Peace
    FC (working towards PC-Phat Chick)

    Phat Chick,
    Well I admire your perserverance and discipline. Me? I find ways to make substitutes that can replace the taboos. Just made a ab-fab Atkins cheesecake. Yummy!
    WC

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  10. Wow, that MichaelM is a mean bastard, ain’t he? 🙂 Seriously, I think you’re all being WAY to hard on yourselves. FWIW, I was once married to a woman who was a size two at best, and I wouldn’t go back to her if she was the last woman on earth! Wife version 2.0 is a full figured gal who is everything (warm, loving, generous, etc.) that wife version 1.0 wasn’t, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.

    So Smith, I take it this means you like a woman with a little meat on her bones – like they say in the midwest. Well God bless you darlin!
    WC

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  11. You know you’re too fat…
    when you have trouble washing your own back in the shower, tying your shoes, or wiping your ass!
    Time to cut out the spuds and fast foods…
    😀

    Yup, that about covers it.
    WC

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  12. You know you’re too fat when you have to put on your belt with a boomerang… 😉

    – JOS

    Now that’s funny. 😆 And by the way, do you have an instruction manual to go with that suggestion?
    Annie

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  13. Hi Annie.
    Oh pdal – You got mine – to fat to get your wipe your bum. I was giggling all the way through reading this.
    Your bingo wings have their very own dance moves.
    The shop man looks at you strange with the amount of talcom powder you buy ( trying to ease the chaptness coz your legs rub together when you walk )
    Your 18 year old son tells you you have fat ache when you complain of tummy ache and finds the words( fat ache )fucking hilarious.
    You got to cut your knickers to get them on, then saftley pin them together.
    Going out for dinner your friends always suggest you have salad with out dressings.
    Can’t bear to look at the inside of your legs as they somehow have taken on the look of old dried orange peel.
    You find yourslef trying to find the fattest person to stand next to.
    Can only get one leg just up to your knee in your jeans.
    Buy a new washing machine coz your old one is SHRINKING all your clothes.
    People you’ve not seen for a while say to you ‘ You look er…. healthy’ a bit of weight suits you.
    Great post Annieo thank – you.
    Love Di.

    Well Di, you had me giggling all the way through this comment. Bingo wings? Dare I ask what those are? And the talcom powder was too funny. Sorry you had to buy a new washing machine those are expensive. 😉

    Annie

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  14. Bingo wings are the pieces of flabby skin that hang from under your arm to your elbow.

    Love Di. x

    Oh, we have those here too stateside, but we just call them wings or arm flaps. Bingo wings though has much more of a ring to it. 😉
    Annie

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  15. Oh Annie.

    I’ve forgot to ask your permission first but I’ve put this link on my blog – Is that ok – I’ll remove it if its not. So sorry for not asking first but it was just one of them there inpulsive moments I seem to have.
    Its a comment to this post but in a video. Hope you don’t mind.
    Love Di

    Hey Sweetie,
    Not to worry, doing a pingback (which is what you did here) is not only perfectly acceptable, it’s also a compliment – it means you are endorsing my post to coin a phrase. It’s not like those other people who did that weird thing to your post. So, yes of course, feel free to link to any post of mine you like. And thanks!

    Annie

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  16. OMG I was going to ask you this week was a ping back was. I have a few in my boxes and have not approved them as I thought it was some sort of wierdo thing – yes like the wierdo thing with my post.

    Oh so pleased that its a compliment – Hehe ! That video was to funny wasn’t.
    Love Di

    Well there you go. Although not all pingbacks are created equally. Some spammers do pingbacks too – they use content of others to get attention to their viagra sites. Although, if they are attributing you to the post and giving the link to your post it’s a damn sight better than lifting it and claiming they wrote it, eh?

    Annie

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    1. I don’t know, I saw your vacay pics and you look mega svelte to me. Funny though, I wrote this post years ago and you’re the 3rd or 4th person to dig it out of the archives this week. Must be something in the air, eh? 😀

      Like

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