Writer Chick Predicts…

You know when I was a kid I used to love to read or hear about all the crazy, whacko predictions the psychics of the day would make about the coming year. What was really hilarious was how they would (later) try so hard to make the facts of something somehow mold into a prediction they’d made.

So in the spirit of that – I, Writer Chick, shall also make a few predictions sure not to come true – and if any do, it will be purely accidental.

I predict that in 2007:

  1. Fat people will be outlawed in NYC and if apprehended with a box of oreos, booked for possession of trans-fats.
  2. Teddy Kennedy will become the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig (maybe Kirstie will lend him her old body shapers?).
  3. Global warming will cause hot, fresh pizzas to rain from the skys during hurricanes that rail for 30 minutes or less.
  4. Britney Spears will create her own underwear line called Now you see it – Now you don’t.
  5. In a tell-all book, Madonna will reveal her favorite moisturizer is embalming fluid.
  6. Al Gore will invent a hybrid vehicle that runs on gas and electricity and call it the Priestess.
  7. The ACLU will file a class action lawsuit against the State of Texas in behalf of beef cows, citing slavery and wrongful death as key points.
  8. Apple will unveil its latest innovation, the BlogPod.
  9. Stem cell researchers will successfully replicate a conscience and offer it to Hillary Clinton for beta testing.
  10. Arnold Schwartzeneger will ‘come out’ as a Democrat.
  11. Rosie O’Donnell will admit on Oprah that she is the victim of a botched sex change operation.
  12. The first transexual Miss America will be crowned.
  13. The New York Yankees will win the World Series – by accident.
  14. Scientists will discover that land masses and ice masses surrounded by water experience erosion, thereby diminishing the size of said mass.
  15. Inexpicable accidents and scandals will befall any opponents to Senator Clinton in the bid for the Democrat candidacy.
  16. Barak Obama will blame his ears on President Bush (why not? everything else is his fault.)
  17. In a daring move, CBS will replace anchorperson Katie Couric with Barney the purple dinosaur – hoping to capture the heretofore untapped demographic of oversized stuffed animals everywhere.
  18. The medical community will unanimously agree that living is dangerous to one’s healthy and Congress will pass a law that all newborns henceforth will be tatooed with the Surgeon General’s warning of same.
  19. Michael Moore will premeire his first film based on fact in his biopic called Fat Like Me.
  20. Maureen Dowd will marry Jim Gilchrist and become a born again Libertarian and start her own newspaper called North of the Border.
  21. Bob Woodward will admit on 60 Minutes that everything he has ever written is lies and promote his upcoming book, All I know is I Can’t Tell the Truth.
  22. In an attempt to increase environmental awareness, major designers will develop a machine that can make fabric out of matter recovered in landfills. And use the fabric in their new spring lines. (clothes pins will be issued to all attendees at the Spring showing.)
  23. Jimmy Carter will become the new spokesperson for Jiff peanut butter, making the claim that it has a little known use as mortar (as demonstrated in the habitat for humanity model homes).

and finally….

We’ll all be going to Hell in a handbasket. πŸ˜‰

Okay, those are my predictions…anyone care to offer some of theirs?

13 thoughts on “Writer Chick Predicts…

  1. Just step away from the Fried Chicken and put you hands where we can see them LMHO…..Glad you found a place for the cartoon…………

    Me too – thanks.


  2. All I can say is if “the food police” mess with Aunt B’s Greasy Spoon and Truck Stop food I am moving to the Baja.

    That might work out okay Squawky – since most everybody from Baja is up here. πŸ˜‰


  3. And on a more serious note….The American Government unveils a national health care plan that encompasses ALL Americans, and doesn’t cost the public the income of Donald Trump to maintain,yet offers quality care.

    Sorry hon, on this one I hope you are wrong. Because it will cost all of us who pay taxes to maintain – after all the government gets its money from us. All that will happen from this sort of plan is to raise our taxes and lower the quality of healthcare for all Americans. For me, the key is getting the government less involved not more in our lives.


  4. Ask anonymum about national health…if managed properly it can work. But then again…we are talking about American politicans, so maybe not. I just know something, no matter what it is, has got to be done about our health care situation, or lack thereof! I don’t care what it is, national health or private…but somethings got to give! I haven’t had ANY form of health care in 7 years….

    Yeah and in my opinion the reason is ‘managed healthcare’ and astronomical malpractice insurance (god bless personal injury attornies) – the two are driving doctors out of practice. Not to mention the fact that Medicare pays what they deem is correct for said treatment (often times not even covering the doctor’s costs) and they lag up 9 months to pay – not to mention other insurance companies and their lags in paying. Also, if you don’t file a claim properly or within a certain timeframe they can deny the claim and not pay at all.

    I know people think that doctors are all bagillionaires but the truth is between the regulations, state manadated requirements to give care regardless of insurance or ability to pay, hmo’ ppos, bogus lawsuits, insurance premiums, and the normal costs of doing business it is literally driving doctors out of business.

    And the source of most of this crap comes from the government/congress/lobby groups. So to me, involving the government further in the business of healthcare and adding more regulations, laws, rules, fees, fines and dues plus more protocols, guidelines, etc will not result in better, or more affordable healthcare – it will result in less quality and less availability of healthcare. Perhaps they have it all worked out well in Austrailia so it works – but in countries such as Canada and England it’s a mess. Not long ago I heard a town meeting discussion with Tony Blair and I guess what were normal everyday Britons who were calling him on the carpet about that very thing and how it was a catch-22 and you had to make an appt 2 wks in advance – as if ou would know when you were going to be sick, etc. It was crazy.

    I agree that conditions need to improve – but since when did the government ever improve the conditions in matters like these? I can’t think of any.

    Sorry for going on and on – but I guess it’s a hot button for me.


  5. I know…and so it SHOULD be a hot topic for ALL Americans! Its our health and lives that are at stake here! Unfortunately, nothing seems to be getting done about it. We have to talk about it, no matter whether we agree or disagree because change won’t come from being silent.
    As far as Australia goes…I was there 20 yrs ago. At THAT time, the health care I received there was outstanding. But times change…I’m not there now, so who knows what state its in for them?
    I don’t have the answers, wish I did…all I do know for sure is that as a middleaged person living without any form of health insurance and therefore health care, I am a walking time bomb!

    Well now that we have our plan set maybe we can undo the time bomb somewhat? πŸ˜‰


  6. I find more and more, I LIKE the way anonymum thinks! Where were YOU when I was living in Oz my dear? LOL

    Ah yes, I’ve found my holistic healer and her name is WC! LOL…

    Oh no!!!! I’m not a healer – I’m a jokester and a slacker. LOL. What are you trying to do, ruin my reputation? πŸ˜‰


  7. I’m not sure that I agree that with your statement that Canadian health care is a mess WC. Take my current situation with my baby for instance. With an HMO system, all these unltrasounds and tests, not to mention possible future surgeries and hospital times, could cost us thousands and thousands. As it is, we are only responsible for our travel costs, and I don’t think we’ve had second rate care at all! I do agree that we have our problems, but who the hell doesn’t? Over all, I would take our system over yours any day.

    Just my opinion, mind you.

    LOL Jennifer – this was supposed to be a funny list of ridiculous predictions for the coming year – and it’s turned into a healthcare debate. I have no idea how we got from there to here – but I really want to go back to funny and light.


  8. that’s the thing about blogs, sometimes they take on a life of there own.

    my prediction: By the end of 2007, my life is going to do a complete 180 in ALL areas: health, wealth, love, etc….and ALL in the “POSITIVE” ways……


    Hey I like those predictions and I’m really hoping they come true.


  9. to Bobo: do lot’s of research on homeopathic stay healthy things, and get to know your neighborhood health food store, especially find one that’s VERY knowledgeable regarding their products. Obviously it won’t help say a “broken bone”, but it will help to keep you as healthy as possible if you can’t do the medical check up thing too often…..right now i’m researching some different “cleansing” products too see if they would be helpful. I also have a book or two about natural & homeopathic remedies, if your interested let WC know and i’ll give her the info to pass onto you….

    πŸ™‚ FC

    Oh my little assistant is hard at work. I agree, water, vitamins and healthy habits go a long way to keeping you on track. I’m not too crazy about those cleansing products though – mostly they give you the runs and they over work the intestines, the liver and the gall bladder. You’re better off with something simple like the juice of one lemon in distilled water (daily) and a tablespoon of psyllium husks in a glass of water daily – plus fruits and veggies and a decent diet. Of course this is all opinion and we aren’t giving any kind of medical advice here. Just mentioning things that we have tried and have experienced some success with. Right? Right. πŸ˜‰


  10. I laughed at all of it. You’re pretty funny. Most of the posts I read were humorous. I liked the stupid one too a lot.

    Good, you were supposed to laugh πŸ˜‰ You know that stupid shit post was very popular – who knew? I should get bored and write more posts like that – ehhehehehehehehe


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